Wednesday, August 31, 2005
I just saw "Run Lola Run", and I thought it was great. Here is a part from the movie that I really liked:
......Humans. The most secretive species on the earth. A mystery of unanswered questions.
Who are we? Where do we come from? Where are we going? From where do we have this things we believe are certainties? Why do we believe anything it all? We are searching the answers of innumerable questions.
One answer that leads to an other one. The next answer leads to yet an other question and so on.
But isn't it always the same question? And isn't it always the very same answer?
The ball is round. The game lasts 90 minutes. That's a fact. Everything else is pure theory
Your Personality: A total daredevil, you'll try any thrill. You're easily bored and you prefer to be on the go.
You in Love: You see love as an adventure, and you find most men dull. You need a man who challenges you!
Your Career: Your ideal job is flexible, fun, and maybe a little dangerous. You have the makings of a private investigator or extreme athlete.
What Color Is Your Aura?
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
AND SOME MORE YEY!!!!
I am such a clever little smartass.....I managed to get a trip for just 70 USD.
I am going the 27.of September.
Whish me luck everyone!
Now I am going to jump up and down and make funny littel noises for about 10 minutes.
One of many comments were: "You shouldn't write about ADHD and taking sleepingpills and such. People have problems with these things. They will just think you are messed up an pathological and crazy."
If people think I am crazy, they might even be right, Muhahahahahahah! ;)
And if they think I am pathological, that's their issues, not my problem.
I wont censor my thoughts just because others might think something negative about them
Think all you want people!!!
I support your 100% freedom to do that
KANSAS CITY, Kan. (AP) -- A Kansas teenager was awarded $250,000 Thursday in his federal lawsuit claiming that he was so badly bullied by classmates that he quit school.
Dylan Theno, now 18, claimed Tonganoxie school district officials knew about the taunting and did nothing to stop it.
Theno testified that a rumor started in seventh grade by another student that he was gay continued into high school, where classmates called him derogatory names for homosexual men.
The school district's attorney, J. Stephen Pigg, of Topeka, said in closing arguments that name-calling and crude comments are something that boys -- and men -- do all the time.
"Guys think things are funny that ladies don't think are funny," Pigg said. "In the seventh grade that is enhanced. ... It just happens. It is just part of the joking and kidding of seventh-grade boys."
Oh, I get it.
So if somebody does something bad and its common to do it, then its not bad.
Wow, that makes sense.
Why fight injustice at all! Lets just lye back and enjoy the ride.
What a smart lawyer! (And his name was Pigg, sorry, but that was just a little......)
Monday, August 29, 2005
First I walked through the streets of Oslo, and I just felt out of place; I don't fit in, something is wrong.
I feel like an outcast who doesn't belong in a world like this and who doesn't get it all. I look at the people passing me by, hear what they say and I just don't get it!
And then I come to the forest and everything just feels right. I AM just my footsteps on the ground, the smell of the moss and the sunshine through the trees.
Today it is sunshine - both inside and out, my jaw hurts, its windy, I was looking at some more H.R.Giger work and really liked this "Mermaid transformation", I think I want to eat strawberry icecream, the house is all silent, I am wearing a skirt over my pants, I am thinking about dying my entire hair purple - but am wondering if that will ruin my work-opportunities for the next month, the floor cracked while my roomy was passing me - she smiled,
I am looking out the window into the street below, I have a little angel and a little devil sitting on top of the computer-screen, two guys and a girl dressed kinda slutty just came out of a backalley with a huge videocamera, I feel very calm, a guy who nearly had his tongue out of his mouth just rode by on a big, silver-colored bike, I have no trouble accepting that people come and go in my life anymore - I have let go of the need to try and control any feelings, Its peculiar how I seem to scare some people with my so called "overthinking" OR my energeticalness (Is that a word?) I don't know why - but I seem to do, I love the tree outside my window- its just so huge and comforting, my roomy is talking with her boyfriend who is traveling with the Trans-Siberian railroad - She sounds so happy - in love, I am going to go and walk a little in our garden barefoot.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
I have gotten messages from people thinking now that I am outgoing because I am exhibitionistic.
First of all, that post I made saying I was in an exhibitionistic mood was more of a joke. I often joke around with things like that.
Second of all, yes, I do like to be watched some times, but that is in more private situations and doesn't really have to do with exhibitionism.
Third, why the labels????? Can we just be humans without having to get a print in our foreheads. Do you have to have things easy????
I am outgoing because its my nature. I am curious and I love people, okay???
I whish people would just stop seeing categories and start seeing life instead.
Also, if they feel hurt by not getting what they wanted from me (or something/ somebody else) Why react by trying to hurt me? I dont get it. If I feel hurt and its nobodys fault, I just stay witht that feeling.
No reason to act it out. In my opinion, acting it out in that way just means that you just dont dare to feel hurt, so you have to project it out on somebody.
Something related to this.....
I found this in a profile lately and really loved it:
"Personally, I find societies obsession with what a persons sexuality is a bit annoying. Whether you're bi/pan/omni/gay- - /lesbian/queer/straight... or even asexual... we're all just sexual, labeling seems less important (we don't fit into pidgeon-holes, we are not just black and white).
I think I'm going to steal an idea I saw on a placard at a gay pride parade, and just say that my sexual preference is often"
It doesn't happen that often, but it does. I think it occurs if I feel that somebody is trying to manipulate me and then I just back off from the entire thing.
Now I am back to my good old "I love the world" mood he he, and thats the true me. The other version is more of a defence-mechanism.
Thought I should add some comments to my yesterday post.
1 I am also also very flexible and ready to see other points of view
2 If somebody shows me that I am wrong I have no trouble admitting it and go with their way
3 With "clingy" I mean : they dont respect signals - they dont follow a natural flow of relating. Like if I send them one message they send me 7......
4 .....If you get my point. There should be balance
5 Co-dependency is not a good idea, somebody independent and selfsecure is always a good idea (I am not here to make your world complete)
6 I also give a lot of freedom
7 I think that's just healthy and with the right person I don't need that much alonetime actually
8 Why not find somebody who is okay with that? And also, If I am in love, I get totally focused on that one person.
9 This could be a very beneficial point for a special someone, he he
10 Who cares really? And if they do...Ha ha, I think that would be kinda petty.
11 Could be a problem, but I am working on myself every day
12 I wouldn't be with somebody who also didn't sherish alone-time
13 I wouldn't be attracted to somebody who wasn't "weird" (In the eyes of society)
14 This is a big problem for me, but I am also working on this. Would need a lot of understanding here and also a lot of excitement in a relationship
15 And not someone clingy ;)
16 Or controlling
17 Or manipulative. I think its just healthy of me to react on such things
18 Okay, this is also one of my issues. Nobody is perfect. Also trying to do something with it, but some things take time
19 Yes I do :) but you can do that together with someone too
I don't think I am difficult really. But complexed, yeah :)
Friday, August 26, 2005
2 I want things MY way
3 I very often find people to be clingy
4 I hate clingy
5 I dont want to rescue or be rescued!!!!!!!
6 Me freedom is almost everything to me
7 I need lot of space and alone-time
8 I love flirting (Even though I mean nothing with it)
9 I am extremely slutty in the right circumstances (selective slut; With just one guy; my boyfriend)
10 I have some gross eatinghbaits now and then (I can eat an entire package
of creamcheese without anything else on it)
11 I do what I want to do and I hate to plan things (I am so bad at it also)
12 I love being alone
13 I am very weird (At least people tell me so, not sure to which extent I agree)
14 If things bore me I find something else to play with
15 I hate clingy (had to repeat that)
16 I hate any form of control or being controlled
17 I hate any form of manipulative behavior, even if people do it unconsciously
18 I have problems with demands, restrictions ands rules of any kind
19 I just wanna, live , love and be free (Yes, I am sortof a hippie)
See? I am damned difficult ;)
|Your Career Type: Artistic|
You are expressive, original, and independent.
Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art.
You would make an excellent:
Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor
Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer
Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer
Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor
The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
somebody told me before that The girl Clementine reminded them of me in a way. I can see their point. I guess I recognized a lot of myself in her too...not all, but a lot. I feel more introspective than how she was portrayed though.
I LOVED the red hair she had going there for a while. It was almost like the one I had 4 months ago. Kinda miss it.
Hmmmmmmmm, maybe I`ll just go and dye my hair purple
We just walked in the park, played a littel on some swings, walked in the rain and talked about all and nothing.
......A really sweet guy, he totally cured my sadness.
Goonight to all of you out there.
I wish you sweet dreams as i throw
my fiarydust into the wind
hoping it will reach you all.
Greetings from me in an over-sentimental mood
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
I think this is the first day in several, several months that I have had this feeling.
The good thing about sadness is, that if you accept it being there, it can actually be quite beautiful.
Anybody who wants to go for a nightwalk and just walk, walk, walk with no purpose whatsoever?
You are the white dove, soaring in the sky.
The innocent observer of the world below
With an understanding soul
wishing to spread peace with your wings as you fly
You are the black raven, with sudden flights
Mystifying as you escape for your destinations
With a heart pumping after dark excitements
You are a cotton pillow
and a mellow message in the day
a friend of the night and a sister of the moon
You are the transparent crystal lake
when sharing feelings with a trusted friend
but an enigma in unexplored waters
You are a shy mermaid
Married to a creature in the sea
but gift to a human eventually
You are a frozen snowflake
a queen of ice, a porcelain rose
Capable of breaking
yet seemingly solid as it stands
You are an answer, a question
a secret and a confession
an open hand, a careful embrace
You are a passionate expression
to the day to the night
May the force of the God I believe in
Bless you in your every site
Isabel, Santo Domingo, 2000
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
"Shhotish" screamed the daggit, jumping up and down - waving his arms in a hysterical manner "I forgot to blotton the crappel. Now we all are gonna munken!"
...but the fugot sniggered to himself. - because he knew that was just blaggable.
"The crappel has been blottonised for a week now", he said to himself - scrashing his own armpit in a thoughtfull manner,
"the daggot is just scared of the prebbel because he is overly muttish.
.....The prebbel is a nice and gloffish guy anyway"
~ The end ~
Monday, August 22, 2005
I don't know how this happened. I once was a blue, soft and hairy spider, living my tiny little spiderlife spinning my little tiny web.
My web looked so wonderful. I could spin a web the entire night and when the sun came up in the morning it would shine more bright and beautiful than anything I`ve ever seen. Sometimes it would even rain. And when the sunrays hit the droplets in my web, I was fulfilled and happy.
I never liked the killing though. I always spun my web very soft, so no bugs were really trapped in it. I always tried to get food in other ways. The other spiders of course thought I was a sissy. Maybe they were right. I don't know.
But I just wanted to spin my web to see it shine in the sunset.
I could spin it between some branches in a tree, cause I`ve always loved trees.
In the midle of the night, when the wind was rushing throught the leaves, and I only could hear soft night-sounds in the forest, I wouls spin my web extra slowly.
I would lay all my love into the cord and spin it in patterns that I knew would look wonderful when the sun would kiss it in the mornings.
But now I am trapped in a womans body.
And I miss my web.
Finally I have decided that I will go to Barcelona. That took me some months alright (pew)
I am looking forward to go there. Then I think my new addiction there will be photographing in studio and photoshop once again ..and possibly going to bars, if I find a good and dark one, he he.
maybe I`ll have some "secret" loveaffairs too, muhahahahaaaa!
My bohemian me cant wait to go there!!!!
Barcelona here I come!!!!!
Aasa, your subconscious mind is driven most by Love
People who have unconscious minds driven by love tend to be nurturing types who are good at taking care of those around them. They may also shy away from spending too much time alone.
Your instinct to love and be loved is rooted very deeply in your subconscious and affects most of the decisions you make in life Â whether you are aware of it or not.
You have an energy about you that inspires people to experience their true feelings of love and act kindly towards others. In this way, you and your drive for loving relationships start a chain reaction of positive experiences.
You also value your personal relationships more than most people.
Your unique capacity to love may be greater than those around you, which means you may have more to give in relationships than your friends or romantic partners do.
Your psyche is very rich; the more you learn about it, the more you will understand who you really are.
reversed in black and white,
like a photo negative
(That was at least the effect
I was trying to obtain)
This meaning that the spots that
actually are in shadow are
white here and the white
places are dark.
I see a lot of things I would
have liked to change in this drawing,
so I wouldn't say that is of the best
things I have done, but I had it
scanned in on my computer,
so I thought I would share it.
I would value to hear others opinion
of it a lot
Some very fundamental rules about Blues:
(My absoulte favourite was nr 19, ha, ha!)
1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes - sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch...ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, and Nawlins are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues (a) highway (b) jailhouse (c) empty bed (d)bottom of a whiskey glass.
11. Bad places for the Blues (a) Nordstrom's (b) gallery openings (c)Ivy League institutions (d) golf courses.
12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if: (a) you're older than dirt (b) you're blind (c) you shot a man in Memphis (d) you can't be satisfied No, if: (a) you have all your teeth (b) you once were
blind but now can see (c) the man in Memphis lived (d) you have a 401K or trust fund.
14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.
15. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: (a) cheap wine (b)whiskey or bourbon (c) muddy water (d) black coffee.The following are NOT Blues beverages: (a) Perrier (b) Chardonnay (c) Snapple (d) Slim Fast.
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.
17. Some Blues names for women: (a) Sadie (b) Big Mama (c) Bessie (d)Fat River Dumpling.
18. Some Blues names for men: (a) Joe (b) Willie (c) Little Willie (d)Big Willie.
19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
20. Blues Name Starter Kit: (a) name of physical infirmity (Blind,Cripple, Lame, Toothless, etc.) (b) first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon,Lime, Peach, etc.) (c) last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson,Fillmore, etc.) For example: Blind Lemon Jefferson, Pegleg Lime Johnson or Cripple Peach Fillmore, etc.
21. I don't care how tragic your life is: if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues, period. Sorry
LINK to where I stole this from
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Gebeleizis, who claimed that homosexuality was a sickness left the discussion after some time, but posted an article about the topic in his own blog.
For those of you who want to read or comment on his article I leave a link here:
(The link wasnt working for a while, its fixed now)
I watched a little TV here the other day. I hardly ever do that anymore, but now it was kinda fun. I looked at that show called "Dharma and Greg" and I have to say I recognized a lot from my parents there. Can you guess from which parent-couple?
I was laughing my ass off at times because it was so like hearing my mom.
Also now I of course feel a little guilty about the post I did yesterday. It is my "we have to love and accept all" feelings kicking in again. I am a damned hippie sometimes, ha ha!
Well, gotta allow myself to be shallow and judgmental now and then too, don`t I?
Saturday, August 20, 2005
I was sitting next to some people who seemed to force my attention on them.
Not because they were having fun, not because they seemed to get any pleasure out of this, they were just deeply and genuinely pathetic.
The only thing they were showing off were their attempts to try and look strong and cool in others eyes. They couldn't have looked smaller in mine.
They made an extremely well example of why fashion is something selling well in Norway today - because its filled up with people of sheepish non-individual behavior and thinking.
I wasn't just disliking these people, I was loathing them.
It felt like was taking a trip on a subway filled with baboons.
I am sorry, but I have to allow myself to be a bitch now and then too.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Being tagged means according to Sangroncito -who did this evil deed to me (sob, sob*) I have to list five to ten songs that I am currently "digging". Since I found this extremely painful and a total waste of my time, I spent even more time on it and added 18** instead (Never been so good on following rules MUHAHHA!*huge grin*
This will reveal one of my hidden secrets for many years (shame, shame, but I will give in for the pressure)
Then I am instructed to tag five other people to make them reveal their shame to the world as well (So much fun, HAH!)
*I am actually enjoying this, but trying to make it look like I suffer so you wont understand my pathetic pleasure for decadent random silliness like this.
**I actually added 19, so I cheated even more. I am impossible* sigh*
1. Beloved VNV Nation (Makes me disappear and float)
2. A sortof fairytale - Tori Amos (I am ever faithful to Tori)
3. The dancer - PJ.Harvey (Listen to me scream together with her, ha ha)
4. Balladen om briggen Blue Bird av Hull - Imperiet (This is awesome - makes my cry)
5. Asking too much - Ani Difranco (Yeah baby! She knows the deal)
6. Human nature & Erotica - Madonna (Shit did I really admit this? My bad taste is official)
7. The lady of shalott - Loreena McKennit (Or ANYTHING else by her, beautiful)
8. Spirit dance - Dead can dance
9. What a Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong (NEVER gets old!)
10: Henry Lee - PJ.Harvey and Nick Cave (Just a dash of evil)
11: I know you by heart - Eva Cassidy (Speaks to my heart)
12: Got to see you again - Norah Jones (Just because)
13: Svefn-g-englar - Sigur Ros
14: Rammstein - Rammstein (Very good for jumping up and down and screaming, he he)
15: Winter poem (Radka Toneff)
16: Riders on the storm - The Doors (Never dies)
17: Ode to joy - Beethoven (This man was a genius, no doubt)
18: O Fortuna , Carmina Burana - Carl Orf (This is awesome - gives me goosepumps)
There. I listed the songs I am currently obsessed by.
My victims will be:
Just a girl in the world
Considerr yourself tagged (MUHAHAHAH)
My father is a very strange man, and for me now, he is strange in a very good way.
He lives long up in the forrest by himself, in a house that you barely can call a house, but its a wonderful place.
The backyard is filled with all kinds of random twings, like an old cow cranium nailed to a wooden plank, a bathtub, a sofa sitting-gorup, a tractor, a large sculpture you can play and make music on, a tiny house for kids to play in, lots of flowers spread all over, and a huge pile of screwdrivers and other tools.
The house, which is all made of wood, has floors that cracks when you walk on them, a crystal chandelier hanging from the roof and all kinds of paintings and drawings he has made himself on the walls.
He also has a fox that comes and visits him now and then, which has gotten pretty tame and accustomed to him.
He is about 1.78 cm tall, constantly looks like he hasn't shaved for about a week (which I dont think he has either) and he has black and some grayish hair. He is an extremely social and outgoing man, but also a lonewolf.
I think in the beginning, as a kid, I looked up to my father a lot, but it changed through the years.
He and my mom split up when I was born and one could say that he left us both, even though I think he saw me like onse a year or something like that after I was 3 years old.
When I was 3 my mother decided too look above all the argument they've had, and contact him so I could meet him. This was after an incident where she found me outside on the doorstep yelling "father" "father" to the sky and the clouds.
I think he was my hero for a short period of time, until I just felt betrayed and really not seen or appreciated as I yearned for, and after this realization I closed my heart for him. At this time he was highly narsisistic and had a lot of anxiety.
I had some sporadic contact with him through the years, but very rarely. Until I was a round 10 years old, when he suddenly came back all dyeing to take up what had been wasted these years. Now he wanted to be a dad.
I think it was waaay to late. It had been too late already at the age of 4 when I closed myself in grief and loss.
But, we then started to meet up every 2nd week. Mostly because he and my mother insisted, I felt forzed. My mother with the argument that having a fatherffigure would be good for me, and maybe we could mend the old wounds.
This is my father making an ice-sculpture
My fathers intentions remained unspoken.
This continued until I was 15, when I got a burst of anger, was fed up wit a lot of his childish and narsisistic behavour (at that time) and broke it off with him for 9 years.
I think he has struggled a lot throughout the years, but now he seems to have found a lot more peace. I have just gotten to really know him the last two years, after deciding to contact him again, and now I think he is a wonderful, funny, sweet and creative guy, which I actually love to hang out with.
Pictures of some sculptures my father has made (Most of them are sound-sculptures, which he has had conserts on)
Stopped and smelled a rose for several minutes on my way home
Been unable to find my keys and used the same amount of time finding them in my purse as I used smelling the rose
stared at a girl on the subway eating an icecream just because she did it in a really sexy way
Jumped "paradise" in the street just because (Is it called paradise in English too?)
Listened to the same song 15 times in a row
Gone to bed kinda early (1 am) but been unable to sleep before 4:30 am because I was so hyper
Thought a lot about people I know and had pretend conversation with them in my head
Eaten a large chunk of cheese
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool,
though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
I made it after constant
nagging from him for
many years about it.
I am not so much a fan of this style,
cause I think it`s kinda kitschy.
But I do like the exercise
it gives me in getting it
like the picture he gave me.
The hard part is never drawing it
and getting the shapes and shades, but to get it like the original.
I will post the original picture here if I find it,
as I was very pleased with the similarity.
I also take a lot of blame upon myself, for having mistreated her (throwing her out the window every morning) and caused jealousy by having a favorite. Still it can never justify such an heinous crime..
I have been informed she was very recently spotted in a bathroom in England, more precisely London ( Look here for firther information) and I hear her evil spirit, which to my great remorse, I never saw clearly is still most vital.
Here si a picture in memory of Albert.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
I lived in a house that I rented from a Dominican family. Well, to call it a house would be a large overstatement...It was a little shack in their backyard.
But it did offer some luxury... When I was lying on my bed at night, I could see the moon and the stars just peeking through the holes in the door and the gap between the roof and the walls.
I also has a lot of different friends stopping by all around the clock, sadly I usually only noticed them in the mornings
- when they were hanging from my walls.
You had Hyacinth, who was a huge spider. She was very social and never came without all of her family and friends.But, my very best friend in this house was Albert. Albert was actually the only one I didn`t throw out the window every morning.(-That's the sign of a true lasting friendship if you ask me)
He lived in my bathroom, behind the mirror. He was about 4 cm long and black and he was a gecko.(Would be a little scary if he was human, considering his choice of living place, no?) In the mornings, after throwing out Hyacinth and her enthusiastic crowd of friends and relatives I went into Alberts room to get ready for the day. I never saw him when I entering the room (I always suspected him not to be much of a morningbird)
But when I got into the shower and glanced over at the mirror I could normally get a glimpse of a drowsy little head popping out and greeting me.
Have you ever seen an animal looking like it had a rally bad hangover?? That was Albert every morning. In the evenings he was never there. I gotta admit, I had my own suspicions about his activities at those hours.
Well, after living in this house for 3 weeks, I had got pretty fond of Albert and our little morning-ritual.But then, suddenly, one morning after the sneaky cleaning-lady had been doing her "cleaning" I went to the bathroom for a shower and the response of Alberts drowsy head popping out to greet me was extremely slow. Or to say it in better words - It was extremely non-existent. So I had to do something I had never done before, (because I cherish and respect others privacy.) I had to sneak up to the mirror and look behind, into Alberts most private spheres, to see if he was okay or maybe just a tiny little bit more hungover than usual. - Something which would imply immediate assistance from the nearest hospital. (Or the weird woman down the street with filthy bottles as we also called her)
To my shock and horror, there was NO Albert there.
HE was missing.
He had left me.
And he dint even leave a note.
After thinking this through for many hard years together with my therapist, I figured out that Albert must have ran off with the cleaninglady.
** This story is based on true events and the somewhat twisted mind of a poor norwegian girl.
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|Marriage is love.|
Monday, August 15, 2005
If any of you would want to share your own lists that would be awesome
Here is one of mine:
these little tapes with adventures and fairytales that my mom used to buy to me
making a huge speed on my swing and jump off it
making a huge speed on the swing I had inside my room, build a large pile of stuff in front of it, and jump over it
have my friend to make a huge speed on my swing, build a huge pile of stuff in front of it, lay myself on top of that, and make her jump over it (Yes, sounds a little crazy now when I look back, ha ha)
jump in ponds
do things people dared me to that they didnt think I would do
make up stories
jump really hard into a dirty pond when I had really neat and clean clothes
my mother reading books for me
jumping from one roof to the other
climbing "the rotten plank" that lead to the first roof we used to start our roofclimbing with, that looked like it was going to fall apart anytime
the secret cabin we had in the forrest nearby
making garlands out of flowers
drawing comic with princess and princesses as main characters
comic and cartoons
Darth Wader (I thought he was awesome)
getting up at 7 am to see cartoons on skychannel with my bestfriend and eat loads of candy
my best friend
cutting off all the hair on my boring-girly-dolls and draw on them with a permanent marker (maybe I was a little disturbed, ha ha)
playing hospital with my stuffed animals
my fav stuffed animal "Smule"(his name) which was a handpuppet rabbit I made a pretend voice to, who (Yes, he is a WHO) came with us on all vacations
"Lille skuff" (translation: Little drawer - its his name, don't ask me why) my second best stuffed animal
(I felt guilty about having favorite stuffed animals, because I dint want to hurt any of their feelings, so I put all of them in my bed, even the ones I dint like)
press the doorbell of strangers apartments and tell them strange things, when they picked it up, and run
making fake survey-phonecalls, asking people questions
the club-locals me and me best friend had in the attic, that we called "The black rose club" (of course we changed the name now and then)
recording pretend radioshows with political and sports interviews on my taperecorder
dressing up in weird costumes, putting on my moms LP player, and mime and sing to the old records from the 70s that she had , dancing on the livingroom-table with my bestfriend
cardboardboxes (they can be made into ANYTHING)
having a big roll of yarn and roll it around all the furniture and livingroom pretending to be a huuuge spider
deserted houses (they were like magic treasures we could explore)
finding things people had abandoned
This will be udated if I come up with more
all kinds of fish
all kinds of small birds
MAAAN; I cannot seem to remeber any more now.
I will update this soon
How it would be to lye on a top in the desert (I Actually did once, many years ago) in the middle of the night. A mild warm breeze caressing your skin. The mind is still and soft. The ground welcomes your body in a gentle way. I could just lye still and look at the stars. The sky looks endless in the desert. It feels like the stars are the roof of the sky that will never seize to show themselves to you. In moments like that its like one can see our lives better. Our little stresses in everydaylife, how small they seem under the desert sky.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
(who you are)
Intuitive (N) 75.76% Sensing (S) 24.24%
Thinking (T) 50% Feeling (F) 50%
Perceiving (P) 72.22% Judging (J) 27.78%
ENTP - "Inventor". Enthusiastic interest in everything and always sensitive to possibilities. Non-conformist and innovative. 3.2% of the total population.
Preferred type: ENFP
(who you prefer to be)
Intuitive (N) 68.75% Sensing (S) 31.25%
Feeling (F) 53.13% Thinking (T) 46.88%
Perceiving (P) 86.67% Judging (J) 13.33%
ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.
Attraction type: ENFP/ENTP
Intuitive (N) 80% Sensing (S) 20%
Feeling (F) 50% Thinking (T) 50%
Perceiving (P) 71.43% Judging (J) 28.57%
ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.
Take Jung Explorer Test
I was a little surprised by these results. Mostly because they had such a funny comparison between what I see myself as, or want to be, what I am attracted to, and what I actually am.
I was also a little surprised to see that they put me as a T / P.
I guess before I always though I was basically a lot more feeling-dominated. But I have also changed a lot the last 6 months and also got more aware of who I am.
The funny part for me was to see that it seems like I WANT to perceive myself as more feeling-dominated.
I think the reason for that is that sometimes I can be somewhat hard and principle-minded. And when I do I am not very compassionate. I guess I have a little problem with that, as I basically want to be compassionate and I really don't want to hurt ANYBODY in this entire world EVER. But that can hardly be done, when you have to stand up for what you are and what you believe in.
It also seems like I want to see myself as more perceiving than judging(than I actually am), and I think that goes back to the same thing.. I never LIKE to judge anybody or put a label etc on things. But in real life you are forced to, one cannot be without judgment. But damn, I just want all to be treated with respect :)
So basically, the differences in "Who I am" and "What I prefer to be" is my more idealistic tendencies hitting through, being in conflict with the actual world and the realism I would be forced to apply, which makes me who I am also.
Hmm, I also seem to want to be slightly more sensing thank I am. I would have to think a little more about that, before I can give any conclutions, but it sure is interesting to me.
And also the fact that I WANT to be more sensing. BUT I AM attracted to those with more intuition than sensing...hmmmmmmm.....but I seem to want those I am attracted to to be AS judging as I am in real life, and not as judging as I WOULD ideally want to be.
This was fun and shows some complexities I was not aware of before. I need to take this test a few times to see if I get the same result.
Oh, well...It will be exciting....maybe I am the one of the few here who think voting still is exciting, ha ha!
I wonder which political views the people who read this blog have, would be cool to know. I should have some barometer which you could click on and which could measure it. Damn, I should go browse and see if something like that exists.
If there was something as a "love everybody and do what's best for mankind-party" I would surely vote for it. I am a sentimental sucker, ha ha.
This is the end
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again
Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...stranger's hand
In a...desperate land
Lost in a Roman...wilderness of pain
And all the children are insane
All the children are insane
Waiting for the summer rain, yeah
There's danger on the edge of town
Ride the King's highway, baby
Weird scenes inside the gold mine
Ride the highway west, baby
Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake...he's old, and his skin is cold
The west is the best
The west is the best
Get here, and we'll do the rest
The blue bus is callin' us
The blue bus is callin' us
Driver, where you taken' us
The killer awoke before dawn, he put his boots on
He took a face from the ancient gallery
And he walked on down the hall
He went into the room where his sister lived, and...then he
Paid a visit to his brother, and then he
He walked on down the hall, and
And he came to a door...and he looked inside
Father, yes son, I want to kill you
Mother...I want to...fuck you
C'mon baby, take a chance with us
C'mon baby, take a chance with us
C'mon baby, take a chance with us
And meet me at the back of the blue bus
Doin' a blue rock
On a blue bus
Doin' a blue rock
This is the end
This is the end
My only friend, the end
It hurts to set you free
But you'll never follow me
The end of laughter and soft lies
The end of nights we tried to die
This is the end
Doors MP3 Download Doors The End MP3 Download
The Crystal Ship
Before you slip into unconsciousness
I'd like to have another kiss
Another flashing chance at bliss
Another kiss, another kiss
The days are bright and filled with pain
Enclose me in your gentle rain
The time you ran was too insane
We'll meet again, we'll meet again
Oh tell me where your freedom lies
The streets are fields that never die
Deliver me from reasons why
You'd rather cry, I'd rather fly
The crystal ship is being filled
A thousand girls, a thousand thrills
A million ways to spend your time
When we get back, I'll drop a line
Doors The Crystal Ship MP3 Download
This cite was awesome and gave me something to think about:
The tests are based on the theories by different psychologers such as Carl G Jung , Maslow and Freud + +
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Some even based on Jungian and Freudian psychology
One of my results:
More verbal than non verbal, does not like to go long without speaking to anyone, loves night life activities and crowds, trusting, self expressive, not the best listener, action oriented, if they had to live their life over again they would not change much, dresses to stand out, seductive, very sexual, does not fear getting involved with others, female extroverts like tight fitting clothing, have more desire than fear, enjoys leadership, brutally honest, more random than controlled, impulsive, optimistic, motivated, exhibitionist tendencies.
More visual and intuitive, better at summarizing multiple points, picking up on what's not said, visualizing things, and making things up, can lack attention to detail, directness and organization.
(Not all of it very flattering, ha ha)
This one was very good:
Word Association Test
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Monday, August 08, 2005
It was funny because it`s nice to see that somebody has the same attitudes and priorities as myself, when it comes to traveling.
I saw a comment in the first post, which made me laugh a little.
It said something about how impressing it was that he was living like that.
I find that funny because to me that sort of life has never been "impressing", it has been necessary.
to me it`s more impressing when some people live in the same country for 20 years and keep the same job (which they maybe not even like). Maybe not impressive in a good way, but I am really stunned about this way of living.
I once tried to have a "normal" job. Worked in a shop for toys (Thought it could be a little more fun, since I could be around kids etc...) It was a pain, I lasted in the job for 4 days, then I resigned.
My point is, to not travel and to not do exactly what my should leeds me to do, just kills me. I wouldn't survive.
So like when I went to the Caribbean for 8 months and lived there, and people found it impressive and thought I had a lot of courage, I just thought. "Would need a lot more strength and courage to stay in this cold (both socially and weathervise) country"
So, now I am soon off again. Just havent made up my mind 100%
I am thinking about Barcelona, but am a little uncertain, because it doesn't feel 100% right.
Maybe I should just pack up a little stuff and live a gypsylife just going where my heart leads me for a year?
or at least until my money runs out.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
I feel like a kid before Christmas - having secret presents hidden and waiting for me somewhere around the house.
Sometimes the feeling of having a present is better than actually opening it.
Or if you are waiting for a letter, the feeling when you see it in your mailbox, of taking it out and having it in your hands. The very seconds BEFORE you see its content and are opening it...
those seconds have a own deep sweetness.'
This day is like that to me.
I wonder if there actually is something in store for me now?
I couldt see a thing, and it was weird feeling water pooring down on, me when I had no sense of direction of where it was coming from, just my hands to see with.
It was a little "scary", so of course I liked it
highly recommended to all of you out there, who wants to add a new touch to your daily routines in the bathroom
Friday, August 05, 2005
This is a friend of mine - Tale
The photo is from a project she had
See the rest of the project - take a look at Tales homepage
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Explanation: Galactic or open star clusters are relatively young swarms of bright stars born together near the plane of our Milky Way Galaxy. Separated by about a degree on the sky, two nice examples are M46 (upper left) 5,400 light-years in the distance and M47 (lower right) only 1,600 light-years away toward the nautical constellation Puppis. Around 300 million years young M46 contains a few hundred stars in a region about 30 light-years across. Aged 80 million years, M47 is a smaller but looser cluster of about 50 stars spanning 10 light-years. But this portrait of stellar youth also contains an ancient interloper. The small, colorful patch of glowing gas in M46 is actually the planetary nebula NGC 2438 - the final phase in the life of a sun-like star billions of years old. NGC 2438 is estimated to be only 3,000 light-years distant and likely represents a foreground object, only by chance appearing along our line of sight to youthful M46.
Now it is over. Now I awake.
And it is calm and easy to go,
when there is nothing left to expect
and nothing to suffer any more.
Red gold yesterday, dry leaf today.
Tomorrow nothing will be there.
But stars burn silently all around
tonight in the sky as before.
Now I want to give myself away,
so I have not a fragment left.
Say, stars, will you receive
a soul of treasures bereft?
in peace of far eternities.
He never heaven empty saw
who gave you his battle and dreams
To not look back and move on, to say goodbye to the past can sometimes be very hard. Not because the past nesecarily is so wonderfull and sweet, but because one can have bonds that are not easily removed, unimportant if they are negative or positive.....
But nevertheless, the prosess itself has many beautiful and different phases.
This poem is one of my favourites by the swedish poet Karin Boye
Of Course It Hurts
Of course it hurts when buds burst.
Otherwise why would spring hesitate?
Why would all our fervent longing
be bound in the frozen bitter haze?
The bud was the casing all winter.
What is this new thing, which consumes and bursts?
Of course it hurts when buds burst,
pain for that which grows
and for that which envelops.
Of course it is hard when drops fall.
Trembling with fear they hang heavy,
clammer on the branch, swell and slide -
the weight pulls them down, how they cling.
Hard to be uncertain, afraid and divided,
hard to feel the deep pulling and calling,
yet sit there and just quiver -
hard to want to stay
and to want to fall.
Then, at the point of agony and when all is beyond
the tree's buds burst as if in jubilation,
then, when fear no longer exists,
the branch's drops tumble in a shimmer,
forgetting that they were afraid of the new,
forgetting that they were fearful of the journey -
feeling for a second their greatest security,
resting in the trust
that creates the world.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
I fall down and things seems just empty
Then I wonder if this is me seeing through the illusions of life
Or if I just have a deep emtyness inside that comes up when nothing else can seem to fill it
Maybe we all do?
But it`s also at these times
I can hear the sound of a grasshopper
and it goes directly into my heart
Monday, August 01, 2005
I have always been so confused about all the alternatives and different point of views that I have trouble staying at one thing and not jump further to try the next one.
I guess I have whished to meet somebody that was more stable, but who neede a littel more jumping aroundness and excitement in their life so we could help eachother out, ha ha!
I guess I will have to do the work myself, damnit, ha ha ha!
It`s alwasys a littel sour with self realisation and work, because then you can never takee the easy way out.
Goodnight to all of the world.
I whish I could ligt 1000000000 candles and let it shine on you all.
I whish I could spread happyness and smiles everywhere!
..and I also whish I could fly
Over and out!
Top side of graph: Authoritarian, facism
Bottom: Libertarian, anarcism
Left side: Left , communism, collectivism
Right side: Neo-liberalism, libertarianism
Libertarian socialist / liberal leftist
The basic philosophy of libertarian socialism is summed up in the name: management of the common good (socialism) in a manner that maximizes individual liberty and minimizes concentration of power or authority (libertarianism). Libertarian socialism denies the legitimacy of private property, since private property, in the form of capital, leads to the exploitation of others with less economic means and thus infringes on the exploited class's individual freedoms.
Other views I belive in which also are important in the context of Libertarian socialism:
Preference Utilitarianism /
Take The political compass test
Read more about Libertarian socialism
The belif that we are all like a big web, sown together with connecting strings - where every part is as important as the other and where all should be treated with equal respect.
I have been a vegetarian almost half of my life because of this belief, and I have always felt that it is important to see "the divine" in all of us - all of the world and nature. Even the darker and smaller sides of it all.
I am in a poetry-reading mood today and I found several of my favourites.
This is a a beautifull norwegian poem about the connection in love, life and universe, written by one of my favourite poets - Stein Mehren.
I hold your head
I hold your head
in my hands, as you hold
my heart in your affection
as everything holds and is
held by something other than itself
As the sea lifts a stone
to its strands, as the tree
holds the ripe fruit of autumn, as
the world is lifted through worlds and space
So are we both held by something and lifted
to where mystery holds mystery in its hand
JEG HOLDER DITT HODE
Jeg holder ditt hode
i mine hender, som du holder
mitt hjerte i din ømhet
slik allting holder og blir
holdt av noe annet enn seg selv
Slik havet løfter en sten
til sine strender, slik treet
holder høstens modne frukter, slik
kloden løftes gjennom kloders rom
Slik holdes vi begge av noe og løftes
dit gåte holder gåte i sin hånd.
The Pinwheel Galaxy
Credit: W. Keel (U. Alabama in Tuscaloosa), KPNO, 4-m Mayall Telescope
Explanation: Why do many galaxies appear as spirals? A striking example is M101, shown above, whose relatively close distance of about 22 million light years allow it to be studied in some detail. Recent evidence indicates that a close gravitational interaction with a neighboring galaxy created waves of high mass and condensed gas which continue to circle the galaxy. These waves compress existing gas and cause star formation. One result is that M101, also called the Pinwheel Galaxy, has several extremely bright star-forming regions (called HII regions) spread across its spiral arms. M101 is so large that its immense gravity distorts smaller nearby galaxies.