Xmas

Merry merry and all that
:-)

The night is dark in Spain and the rain is pouring down
I sip a little of the atmosphere into my veins
and then I will slumber
softly
Goodnight to all of you night owls out there
You are my friends in spirit

~ Åsa

New Photos

Happy for feedback of any kind
positive as negative
suggestions for improvement always welcome!

See them in larger formats

~ Aasa

Please respect that this is my profession and I need to live from it,
so don´t steal any copies. If you are interested in buying a print you can talk with me

Le Petit Prince

This is taken from one of my absolute favourite books in this world;
The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry.
I recommnded it from the bottom of my heart

~ Aasa

Once when I was six years old I saw a magnificent picture in a book, called True Stories from Nature, about the primeval forest. It was a picture of a boa constrictor in the act of swallowing an animal. Here is a copy of the drawing.

In the book it said: "Boa constrictors swallow their prey whole, without chewing it. After that they are not able to move, and they sleep through the six months that they need for digestion." I pondered deeply, then, over the adventures of the jungle. And after some work with a colored pencil I succeeded in making my first drawing. My Drawing Number One. It looked like this:

I showed my masterpiece to the grown-ups, and asked them whether the drawing frightened them. But they answered: "Frighten? Why should any one be frightened by a hat?" My drawing was not a picture of a hat. It was a picture of a boa constrictor digesting an elephant. But since the grown-ups were not able to understand it, I made another drawing: I drew the inside of the boa constrictor, so that the grown-ups could see it clearly. They always need to have things explained. My Drawing Number Two looked like this:

The grown-ups' response, this time, was to advise me to lay aside my drawings of boa constrictors, whether from the inside or the outside, and devote myself instead to geography, history, arithmetic and grammar. That is why, at the age of six, I gave up what might have been a magnificent career as a painter. I had been disheartened by the failure of my Drawing Number One and my Drawing Number Two. Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.

So then I chose another profession, and learned to pilot airplanes. I have flown a little over all parts of the world; and it is true that geography has been very useful to me. At a glance I can distinguish China from Arizona. If one gets lost in the night, such knowledge is valuable. In the course of this life I have had a great many encounters with a great many people who have been concerned with matters of consequence. I have lived a great deal among grown-ups. I have seen them intimately, close at hand. And that hasn't much improved my opinion of them.

Whenever I met one of them who seemed to me at all clear-sighted, I tried the experiment of showing him my Drawing Number One, which I have always kept. I would try to find out, so, if this was a person of true understanding. But, whoever it was, he, or she, would always say: "That is a hat." Then I would never talk to that person about boa constrictors, or primeval forests, or stars. I would bring myself down to his level. I would talk to him about bridge, and golf, and politics, and neckties. And the grown-up would be greatly pleased to have met such a sensible man.

Go to Chapter 2

"Those who dream by day
are cognizant of many things
which escape those who dream
only by night"
~ Edgar Allen Poe

...in a wind down by the harbour... in a color on a rag on a porch...in a knocking at my door at night...in a dream i can´t remember...in a light falling on the street a spring day...in the voundedness I could saw in you...in the blowing leaves in a tree outside my window... in a clumsy gesture...in the look of a child absorbed in play...in the space between what I know...in a vision through a strangers door... in a new country I have yet to learn...in everything I don´t know

A gold bug -

I hurl into the darkness
and feel the depth of night

He says a word,
and I say a word - autumn
is deepening
~ Kyoshi Takahama


Covered with the flowers,
Instantly I'd like to die
In this dream of ours!
~ Etsujin

From the diary of Anaïs Woolf part II

There can sometimes be little love in society. It is strange trying to understand why we humans are made like this. While consciously or subconsciously we are searching for love, acceptance and understanding, we are often scared to reach for it or give it freely. I am not talking about couples love now, just general love, goodness, giving, selflessness.
Some people say the world is fucked up. Some answer that it is a cold place and that we should accept it.

"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead."

"In order to be brave you must first start by being afraid, for true courage lies in the overcoming of fear, not in its absence"

---

Tonight the heaven has no garb.

Tonight the heaven has no garb.

He shivers naked.
And never saw I yet his gaze
so all-too waking.

Say, when you fall asleep tonight:
A day is won.
On the road where one loses all
a rest's begun.

Then you will live from day to day
and lose, lose fast,
and yet desire still to remain
until the last.

Then you will find life strong,
if you can burn.
Then will each loss become a gain -
for you shall turn

ever further towards that ground of life
that gave you birth,
and beyond all dreams' deceit
the cause is there -

until in the hour of your greatest loss
your soul, burned down,
goes to the place of extinguished lights.
A day is won.

~ Karin Boye

--------------------

"Kierkegaard, in "Sickness until death" analyzes despair as a disrelationship to the Self, to the source of being human. For Kierkegaard there are three major forms of despair : first, despair that is unconscious; second, despair that is conscious and which manifests itself as weakness; and third, despair which is conscious and manifest itself as defiance. In the unconscious form of despair, the person is out of relation to the Self, but is unaware of it. Such a person, according to Kierkegaard, tends to live a hedonistic life, dispersed in sensations of the moment, having no commitment to anything higher than ego-impulses."

...
If you are a thrill-seeker, at some point you realize the emptiness of the thrills - which makes you return to the search for something deeper. Sometimes you return to the simple things, like the sound of the leaves blowing in the tree outside your window. Or just how the sunshine looks an early morning.
I haven't seemed to find a deeper answer yet, but maybe that is it.

Maybe we all humans have to go there some time, some more often, some later than others, but we end up there in the end.
To crash your face into reality can be tough, or maybe that depends on how used you are to it?
Some live their lives in what they think is reality, but maybe their reality is reality enough?
How can one be the judge of that?
All these things we build, and make, and want. What are we searching for?


"...Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration . I will face my fear . I will permit it to pass over and through me . And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path . Where the fear has gone there will be nothing . ONLY I WILL REMAIN . "

-------------------------

And it was at that age. Poetry arrived

in search of me. I don`t know. I don`t know where it came from.
from winter or a river
I don`t know how or when
no , they were not voices, they
were not
words, nor silence,
but from the street I was summoned
from the branches of night
abruptly from the others,
among violent fires
or returning alone,
there I was without a face
and it touched me

-Pablo Neruda

---

I wonder...is pain necessary? Are we running from pain if it is not part of our existence?
Are thoughts illusions from an ego blinding us from seeing our real core and true self?
Do we have to reexperience pain to set it free? Is that necessary? Or is the knowledge of pain being something we chose and can chose away enough? Is pain a result of old destructive thought patterns? Where is the line between repression and healthiness?


Of Course It Hurts

Of course it hurts when buds burst.
Otherwise why would spring hesitate?
Why would all our fervent longing
be bound in the frozen bitter haze?
The bud was the casing all winter.
What is this new thing, which consumes and bursts?
Of course it hurts when buds burst,
pain for that which grows
and for that which envelops.

Of course it is hard when drops fall.
Trembling with fear they hang heavy,
clammer on the branch, swell and slide -
the weight pulls them down, how they cling.
Hard to be uncertain, afraid and divided,
hard to feel the deep pulling and calling,
yet sit there and just quiver -
hard to want to stay
and to want to fall.

Then, at the point of agony and when all is beyond
help,
the tree's buds burst as if in jubilation,
then, when fear no longer exists,
the branch's drops tumble in a shimmer,
forgetting that they were afraid of the new,
forgetting that they were fearful of the journey -
feeling for a second their greatest security,
resting in the trust
- that creates the world.

- Karin Boye

Swedish version
(more beautiful in my opinion)


YOU SHALL THANK

You shall thank your gods,
if they force you to go
where you have no footprints
to trust to.
You shall thank your gods,
if all shame on you they pin.
You must seek refuge
a little further in.
What the whole world condemns
sometimes manages quite well.
Outlaws were many
who gained their own soul.

He who is forced to wild wood
looks on all with new sight,
and he tastes with gratitude
life's bread and salt."
You shall thank your gods,
when your shell they break.
Reality and kernel
the sole choice you can make.

Swedish version
Collection of Swedish and translated (Eng, Germ, etc)
poems by Karin Boye

Existentialism

Love quotes

"Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood."
~ Douglas Adams

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings."
~ Anaïs Nin

"Love is a choice you make from moment to moment."
~ Barbara de Angelis

What..........

What do you want?.........
Do you go for what you want?

Who are you?

What do you believe in?.........
Or not believe in?

What is life to you?

What is important to you?

Do you have a meaning? If you do...
What gives your life meaning?

Do you follow your dreams?

Time and gravity

"Time doesn´t exist"

Naiv - Super

Do yourself a favour and read this book. I have no idea if the English translation is any good
One thing that is really great about this author (Erlend Loe) is his use of Norwegian words. He has a tendency to use ancient words that has lost their meaning in the land of clichés and bring them back to life in a nearly ironical, humorous and intelligent way
I really recommend this book, especially the Norwegian version
I have read it about 6 times. I always start to read it if life seems very scary and big and I just seem to small for it, he he!
It is hilarious, funny, deep and philosophical, all at once (Depending on your humor of course)

Taken from the book:
".....I was very happy when I saw a psychology student asking these questions:
From a Lego modeling perspective what is happiness? How would you describe the feelings that you experience through your involvement in Lego modeling? In you opinion, is there a difference between these «happiness» feelings and pleasure? Does your involvement in Lego modeling help you to attain long term happiness as well as short term happiness?"

~ Aasa

Plot:

The main character looses a play of croquet with his brother and his world falls apart He feels very unreasonable and tries to figure out what happened. He quits his studies, sells most of the things he owns, and moves into his brothers flat while he is on vacation and tries to figure out why the world is so scary. He is reading a book on time and the universe, the quantum theories, with very high numbers that both scare, fascinate and calms him.
He often throws a ball against a wall for hours. He also buys a toy that contains of a hammer and a board which you can pound sticks into and turn when you are done. It is like an everlasting toy that you can just turn and turn and pound and pound on when the world is too big. (Note, I actually baught one myself reading this book - Aasa)
He starts to write lists. He writes a list about which animals he has seen in his life.
He writes a list about what he has and what he doesn't have.
He has one good friend and one bad friend. He has a degree from the university. He has good shoes. He does not have a watch. He does not have a girlfriend, and he does not have a feeling of meaning. This is just the start of the book that takes you into a world that is truly both naive - and super

~ Aasa

Its just a ride

"The world is like a ride at an amusement park. It goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: Is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride ..." And we ... kill those people. Ha ha, "Shut him up. We have a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up. Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account and my family. This just has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. Jesus murdered; Martin Luther King murdered; Malcolm X murdered; Gandhi murdered; John Lennon murdered; Reagan ... wounded. But it doesn't matter because: It's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love.

The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace. Thank you very much, you've been great."

~ Bill Hicks

New photos

Happy for feedback - positive or negative
~ Aasa
























"We are all one consciousness experiencing
itself subjectively, life is only a dream,
and we are the imagination of ourselves."

New photos

I made these yesterday. had a lot of fun doing them,
just playing around with ideas in the studio.
They are made with a blue and red filter.
I have only made minor adjustments in Photoshop
Any opinions? Anything I should change?
~ Aasa

Legal?

I am attending a school of professional photography for the 3 year now.
I have signed up for two specializations ; Studio and art photography.
After one month I realized that the art photography class is no good, and I want to quit it
Now they tell me I have to pay the entire sum of the class since I started it according to the schools rules
Can this be legal?
Anybody with a clue?

From the diary of Anaïs Woolf

I woke up in the middle of the night. For me this is very strange. I never ever have trouble with sleep, only rarely when I have something on my mind that troubles me. But now I wasn´t weighed down by anything anymore, I felt so clear. I was looking with different eyes. And not metaphorically, it was how it felt, the skin around my eyes tingled with a new sensation. My brain felt different, the thoughts were not clouded by emotion, I was just silky clear and crisp. I don´t think I have ever felt that clear in my entire life. I was reborn from a painful birth of an existencialistic crisis, coming out in the other end with new eyes.

It didn´t even frighten me, this new existence, as it maybe should have. I felt like I had grown up to a different level. Maybe going where I had before feared, loosing a part of my childhood in the steps. Laying the old tears behind me flooding my footprints, then slowly dispursing into the sand. And while seeing this, I relaized that none of the child in me was lost, just more of the adult gained, no actually found again - but from where I don´t know.

It was like being on a desolate island, looking over the ocean, for miles and miles watching the sea stretch out, sensing its loneliness, yet not being alone. I was in peace with myself. Clear, alone, strong. Not a strength called upon from outside to fill within. A strength that just shone through me. A stillness as the bottom of the sea, dancing softly in tangerine and silvery fish. So dark, so warm, so, so, so still and tender this silent strength of mine. It must be something I have always carried.
Don´t misunderstand me, I have felt many kinds of strenghts within myself...but only once this one, and then just in a flash.
It was patience, endurance for anything, stillness in the mind and emotion. it was observation, acceptance of it all.
Where did it come from?
It answered itself out of nothingness.
Strangely as it may sound - I was reborn within myself.

Norway and snow

Hm, I am actually missing Norway today - this doesn´t occur often. I miss my friends and family quite often, but hardly ever the country itself.
But today I feel a deep longing for the cold, the snow - rolling around in it, making a snowman, sledging, the frosty forests, iced waters, or just getting inside the house, curling up with cold feet and warm cacao while its snowing outside.
Skiing with my mother gazing at the lights from a little cottage where they sell waffles. You see it far away the windows blinking like a little lightbug in the darkness. Cuddling up in front of their fireplace with soar feet and a wonderfully aching body.
oh oh oh, it is nice nice nice. And xmas, with the Norway winter darkness early in the day, dropping down on you like a soothing, protective velvet duvet.

This day is just awful

"Love me when I deserve it the least
Cause that is when I need it the most"

Turandot

I have never been a fan of reality shows, and Idol is not an exception
But I was looking for different versions of the Opera song "Nessun dorma", and came over this little thing. And this guy is bloody amazing
And I LOVE this song. Would give anything for a guy to sing it to me from under a balcony! Haha!

Words...

Have you ever thought about words, I mean REALLY thought about them. Seen them from an other point of view, made them loose meaning for you, until you only heard sounds. Being like a child before language, before verbal communication.

It is such an obvious thing, yet we hardly ever think about it do we? - That is is only little sounds.
And what do they really mean? Do your words mean the same as mine?
How many associations, memories, feelings do you have connected to the word:
-Love
-Hate
-Mother
-Father
-Money
-Success
-Freedom
Is your freedom the same as my freedom?
You hear my sounds but can you really hear what I am saying?
Can we really ever truly, deeply understand each other looking at it from this perspective?

"Now we see in a mirror, darkly; but then we shall see face to face. Now my knowledge is imperfect; but then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

Photography

Stig Marlon Weston photography

A friend of a mine told me about a friend he has that is a photographer and gave me a link to his website. I think it was really inspiring and the
photos was very impressive.


So I felt like I had to
make a post in my blog
about it so more people
could have a look.

What I liked the most
were the experimental ones. He seems like a
very deep person with a
lot of imagination. I love
the little texts that
follow the series as well

The photographs you see here are taken from two series. One is "Pond" which contains of 7 photograms in color. The second is "Images of light", which contains of 100 photographs of explosions.

Presenting..........

These are my current roomies
Aren't they cute?
The one to the far left is my fellow rasta girl - Saioa . She is a though hard nosed Basque sweet chick A girl who knows where she is going, strong decisive and cool, she is great. She is a scary chick in the mornings, or if struck by hangovers. But lovely and sweet oh so much.
Then there is her buddy, that was visiting her for a week, she was a nice girl, could not speak English at all, but did her best at trying to get understood - cute.
Then it is me as you can see - new rastified gal - he he
Then it is Shakir, an Australian drum rocker with heaps of tattoos who thinks he is though, but who is a true pussycat and sweetheart - such a great guy - adore him! You hardly ever see him without a big smile and he can burp like a God (nickname : burpy)
Then it is his girlfriend Christine, half German, half Asian. She is a real sweetheart, so calm, smart and sweet, also always smiling and with new great stories to tell you.
I love them all
xxxxxx
~ Aasa

"Those who dream by day
are cognizant of many things
which escape those who dream
only by night"

~ Edgar Allen Poe

RASTA!!!

So.....of course my hair was boring me again. For those who has followed my blog for a while, or who has looked in my archives, you know I have done quite a few funny changes to it through the years. I have had purple, pink, blond, black, even grey hair......half long, long, super short, unevenly cut, you name it......

So, now I felt like it was time for something new since I´ve had the same style for quite a while. And thee is something that I have always wanted to do; rastas
So I just went for it, and I am so glad - really love it and will surly keep it for a loong time.
But to you guys out there who are thinking about doing it, I have to give you a warning!!!
It is the most horrifying pain. I was kicking the wall and biting myself to endure it.
And now it itches like craaaazy and my body is constantly full of the wax from it - ick!
So, if you love it and is prepared for some sacrifices - go for it. but if you are just thinking it might be fun - this is not for you

xxx
Aasa

Here are some photos of the process: (It took eight hours)

9.Oct
Singles day
Yay!
To all of you who actually enjoy and choose being single
This is a great day for celebrating who you are!
xx
Aasa

Some people piss me off!
P
I
S
S

M
E

O
F
F
!
DAMMIT!
sometimes you encounter these vague, hiding little wussies that cannot take a stand or actually admit to any personality (it seems) at all. And in the beginning when you get to know them, they will actually adopt to your opinions and projections, more or less becoming what they think you want to see. They are pitifully creatures who should be forced up against a wall, and told the truth about their little pathetic existence.
I am sorry for this blooooooody outburst but I am so mad I wanna take a pile of something, ANYTHING and just throw it hard and fast repetitively on something else that will crash and fall down a long hillside and then after a little silence which I will be standing waiting in excitement and anger, come out and fall into thousand pieces with a huuuge thundering BANG!
Now that would be something!!!!
To you - all people who actually know you are going around lieing and twisting the truth, just because you want to feel better about yourself, or who pretend and suck up for the same kind of reasons
Get a personality
Burn your belongings and move to Guam
But for gods heaven sake
AT LEAST DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR PATHETIC MISERABLE EXISTENCE!!!!
HAVE BALLS TO STAND UP FOR SHITS SAKE!
You make earth a more boring place
xxx
Aasa (In THAT mood)

The world is dark
- the world is dark and filled with little lights - They shine into my eyes.
The air is chill. When I breath it looks like small clouds of smoke
The world is dark and its falling.
Its dyeing, being born, it is happy and sad.
There are so many people - Everywhere!
It makes me small.

I am on a hilltop it the darkness.
The lights hits my eyes
- the lights from all the people who are making me small.
I fall down in the misty cold grass.
The shining stars hit my eyes equally. They make me even smaller
The sounds of nonexistent time fills my ears
"Tick tack, tick tack"

Somewhere somebody is dyeing
Maybe it is me who is dyeing....?
And the world moves on
The world needs me, and the world doesn't need me
It cares and it doesn care
"Tick tack, tick tack..."

And I am lying on a hilltop
Smaller than ever

Mixed opinionted salad

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."

"It would be possible to describe everything scientifically, but it would make no sense; it would be without meaning, as if you described a Beethoven symphony as a variation of wave pressure."

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, scince for him the spinal cord would fully suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, senseless brutality, deplorable love-of-country stance, how violently I hate all this, how despiceable an ignoreable war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action! It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder."

"As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."

"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?"

"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."

And last, a little thought for Bush to chew upon:

"You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war."
~ Albert


"My own opinion is that belief is the death of intelligence. As soon as one believes a doctrine of any sort, or assumes certitude, one stops thinking about that aspect of existence.
The more certitude one assumes, the less there is left to think about, and a person sure of everything would never have any need to think about anything and might be considered clinically dead under current medical standards, where absence of brain activity is taken to mean that life has ended."

-Robert A. Wilson

Barcelona Baby!

Back in Spain
Stressed as hell
Exams exams exams
Papers
renting out rooms
Augh Augh Augh!
I need a secretary
Or a secret hiding place
:P

Escapism?

I cant sleep
I want to escape "normality".... the little rat race of forced life called society created through human habit and survival........where is the life in that - the freedom - the happiness?
I am actually turning 30 soon, and I don't feel a need to get a little nice house and a dog and a husband and pop out a load of screaming kids at all....its a relief to see that age hasn't magically transformed me into a creature that only longs for safety and not experiences
Oh, maybe a lot of people can find happiness in it, but I seem to be born without that gene, in the same way that I am unable to be religious or unable to not follow my inner voice when it tells me to....even though sometimes I wish I didn't, and that I learned to belong more to the human race and payed my bills in time.
Wouldn't my life be easier if I believed in a God? If I didn't fear not being alive anymore? Surely, yes, but I cant program myself to believe.
Although, to think about it - there are so many things that seem to be planted into us. Have you ever considered your opinions - taken a good look at them and found out if they are really yours or a product of the influence of the society of today? Somehow I have always been extremely on the alert for brainwash and feared it likewise....I dunno why, but I have a strong desire for everything to be genuinely me and find my own reasons, not "theirs", I know it is fucked up in some ways but it has its good uses.
Now for instance everybody in Norway think of the US politics as hypocritical moneywhores, but just a few years ago everybody objected when I spoke against "big brother`s" wars.....cause "they were just helping countries that were ruled by dictatorships, and where would these countries be without their help" - holy mama!
Pft!
So sometimes, even though I wish I was better at "belonging" to society and can often understand my escapism well, he he!"
I wish to escape and I know for sure that some day, when I have payed off the loan and stripped my life of the false bounds of things and shit like that, then you will find me in some forest or a bloody cave if that be it, or just on a weird little island, living in my palmtreehut eating coconuts
you think I am nuts?
you might be right?
Wanna join me?
:)
~ Aasa

Drawings

I am having a lot of fun with naive drawings these days
If you can think of anything funny I can draw - please tell me
here are some I recently made:

A cat who didnt know he was upside down and just noticed it


















A cat who jumps over the moon


















A happy fox climbing a wall and wagging his tail


















A horse jumping and leaping of joy


















A sad horse















A cat on the sun


















A very angry horse


















A unicorn


















A very tired fox

I AM...

Back from Gotland

How was it? I will soon post some more pictures

Vacation...

I am going away for a week (in two hours)

Guess where I am going...............
(I am such a geek, muhahaha!)