Escapism?

I cant sleep
I want to escape "normality".... the little rat race of forced life called society created through human habit and survival........where is the life in that - the freedom - the happiness?
I am actually turning 30 soon, and I don't feel a need to get a little nice house and a dog and a husband and pop out a load of screaming kids at all....its a relief to see that age hasn't magically transformed me into a creature that only longs for safety and not experiences
Oh, maybe a lot of people can find happiness in it, but I seem to be born without that gene, in the same way that I am unable to be religious or unable to not follow my inner voice when it tells me to....even though sometimes I wish I didn't, and that I learned to belong more to the human race and payed my bills in time.
Wouldn't my life be easier if I believed in a God? If I didn't fear not being alive anymore? Surely, yes, but I cant program myself to believe.
Although, to think about it - there are so many things that seem to be planted into us. Have you ever considered your opinions - taken a good look at them and found out if they are really yours or a product of the influence of the society of today? Somehow I have always been extremely on the alert for brainwash and feared it likewise....I dunno why, but I have a strong desire for everything to be genuinely me and find my own reasons, not "theirs", I know it is fucked up in some ways but it has its good uses.
Now for instance everybody in Norway think of the US politics as hypocritical moneywhores, but just a few years ago everybody objected when I spoke against "big brother`s" wars.....cause "they were just helping countries that were ruled by dictatorships, and where would these countries be without their help" - holy mama!
Pft!
So sometimes, even though I wish I was better at "belonging" to society and can often understand my escapism well, he he!"
I wish to escape and I know for sure that some day, when I have payed off the loan and stripped my life of the false bounds of things and shit like that, then you will find me in some forest or a bloody cave if that be it, or just on a weird little island, living in my palmtreehut eating coconuts
you think I am nuts?
you might be right?
Wanna join me?
:)
~ Aasa