dikt

why are you so beautiful? you are just flesh and
blood, just human. why do you seem
like something i would have made myself if
i could? it is just mind games, illusion on
illusion of romanticism. things i make up so
i can sit and dream on a silly pink little
sky and escape reality and it really
doesn't way much, doesn't count much in
the long run. i can easily forget it , as i forget
you, i just go on every day, forgetting, living
on, but then, when i see you
again. by accident. suddenly. I cant help
but ask. why are you so beautiful?

A post to longing

To my beloved

En liten vise
Om kvelden når det mørkner, og alle går til ro,
da stenger jeg for stall og for låve.
Og spurvene, de netter seg i hver sitt lille bo,
da går vel også du til din kove.
Men siden vet jeg ikke å få tiden til å gå,
for i de lange netter, da lenges jeg så,
da har jeg ikke sinn til å sove.
..................................................................

En vise til
....
mellom oss to var det inga bru
men eg var hjå deg det må du tru
i kvar liten blund
i kvar vaken stund
den eg drøymde om
var alltid du

dikt

Yes, do that, moon wanderer
take your heart like a big wet rock
and throw it into the sea of clouds
I will not stand in your way
if our love scares you so

I can even stand next to you
watching it slowly sink to its black, hidden bottom
saying "Yeah, let's shock it"
I have done it so many times now
It doesnt even hurt anymore

although i used to hope you were different

More Tao

A few thoughts of lately:
Sometimes, if you watch and observe your toughts and your mind, staying aware and without any identification or roles in it, it can be quite funny.
It is like watching a stubborn and persistent child saying things and wanting things that are, you find in the end, actually quite absurd. In knowing that there is a difference to your ego desires and you, to your thoughts and you - it actually is comical to listen to your own mind. Thoughts that before maybe even made you suffer and cry. I figure this is the secret into understanding Buddhas wonderful and simple smile. Don´t misunderstand - I am not putting myself next to him, I am putting us all next to him :-)
Here are two little stories that made me laugh and that illustrates this point very well:

"...After two ducks get into a fight, which never lasts long, they will separate and float off in opposite directions. Then each duck will flap its wings vigorously a few times thus releasing the surplus energy that built up during the fight. After they flap their wings they float on peacefully, as if nothing had ever happened. If the duck had a human mind it would keep the fight alive by thinking, by story making. This would probably be the ducks' story:

I don't believe what he just did! He came to within 5 inches of me. He thinks he owns this pond! He has no consideration for my private space. I'll never trust him again. Next time he'll try something else just to annoy me. I'm sure he's plotting something already but I'm not going to stand for this! I'll teach him a lesson he won't forget.

An other story with the same topic:
Two Buddhist monks, Tanzan and Ekido, were once traveling together down a muddy road.
A heavy rain was still falling.
Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection and in tears.

Tanzan, feeling compassion for her, at once picked her up and carried her to the other side over the mud.

Ekido did not speak again five hours later, when they reached their lodging temple.
Then he no longer could restrain himself.
"Why did you carry that girl across the road?" he asked Tanzan, "We monks are not supposed to do things like that"

"I put the girl down hours ago," said Tanzan. "Are you still carrying her?"

I post for the emo souls ;-) from an other

"...I want
to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees."
~ Pablo Neruda

"Det var en fest kun før natten den sorte;
Hun var en gæst kun, -- og nu er hun borte."
~ Henrik Ibsen

I have written a poem in norwegian and the english translation is kinda bad. So, if anybody have any suggestions about improvemnt, feel very free to come with them :-)
~ Aasa

Silent knowing
I whish to speak to you through words without
letters whish to reach you there behind
everything that whiz through me in
the moment you take my hand and
softly brush my skin It opens up
to you, reach for you, nearly
pulls against you like close is not even
close enough my skin whispers stories, it
sighs in simple enjoyment over
your warm hand I see
your eyes your words the hours but
they do not really know yet only
my skin reaches behind it all
it knows
the wordless
it knows more
than both you and I


Stille viten
Jeg ønsker å snakke til
deg gjennom ord
uten ord jeg ønsker å nå det
bakenfor som suser gjennom meg i
øyeblikket du tar
min hånd og stryker sakte over
huden min den åpner seg for
deg strekker seg mot deg nesten
stritter etter deg som om
nærme ikke er nær nok
huden min hvisker historier og
sukker i en simpel fornøyelse over din
varme hånd jeg ser øynene dine, ordene,
øyeblikkene men de vet ikke, skjønner ikke
riktig enda kun huden min kommer bakenfor
den vet
det ordløse
den vet mer
enn både du og jeg

~ A rainy afternoon in Oslo, 2010

A caffee shop, a rainy day in Oslo

I whish to speak to you through words without
letters inbetween sentences
I whish to reach you there behind
everything which whiz through me in
the moment you take my hand and
softly brush my skin
It opens up to you, reach for you,
nearly pulls against you like
close is not even close enough
my skin whispers stories, it
sighs in simple enjoyment over
your warm hand I see
your eyes your words the hours but
they do not really know only
my skin reaches behind it all
it knows
the wordless
it knows more
than both you and I



jeg ønsker å snakke til
deg gjennom ord
uten ord jeg ønsker å nå
det bakenfor som suser gjennom meg i
det øyeblikket da du
tar min hånd og stryker
sakte over huden min og
den åpner seg for deg strekker
seg mot deg nesten
stritter etter deg som i
lengsel som om nærme ikke er nær nok
huden min hvisker
historier og sukker i en simpel
fornøyelse over din varme
hånd jeg ser øynene dine, ordene, øyeblikkene men
de vet at de skjønner ikke riktig
kun huden min kommer bakenfor
den vet
det ordløse
den vet mer
enn både du og jeg


On Tue, Aug 3, 2010 at 2:04 AM, Chris Bellovary wrote:
> Åsa -
>
> I know you already believed me, but I wanted to send you those photos (that I sent yesterday) for my own comfort of mind.
>
> I know you won't get this until after I get to the U.S., but I really enjoyed our conversation today. I hope that by the time you receive this, you are feeling better. Keep up on the iron and vitamin B-12! : )
>
> - Chris
>
>
> ------ Addendum 1, over Greenland -------
>
> Hi Åsa -
>
> I realized that I left out a significant aspect of my relationship with Jillian. Jillian likes both men and women, and I've given her permission to kiss whichever women she wants, with or without telling me later. That in itself doesn't change anything, but if I had had an inkling that this might end up as more than a visit between friends, I would have spoken to her beforehand. Again, that doesn't change anything, but it is probably something I should have mentioned during our talk.
>
> I hope you are well, and enjoying your evening!
>
>
> ------ Addendum 2, between Greenland and Canada -------
>
> Åsa -
>
> I thought I should provide a clarification about the last statement you asked me to say aloud, about everything going back to how it was.
>
> If you had asked me that in Oslo, I am not certain I could have done so. Far more likely, my answer would have simply been "I have no idea". By the time you asked me in the airport though, I was able to honestly give you the answer you wanted to hear simply because - without understanding why things unfolded as they did, how could it be otherwise?
>
> I spent a lot of time in Edinburg, staring out at where the Firth of Forth empties into the North Sea. You were not the only one longing.
>
> That said, to be able to face myself in the mirror in any other outcome, I would need to know so much more than I do today.
>
> Although the uncertainty of what this all meant has strained our friendship, and neither of us like the confusion it caused, I also believe it will make sense later. I believe our time in Norway strengthened the connection we have, and our friendship. I thank the world for the opportunity for getting to know you better, and all the things you were able to show me, and shared experiences. I hope you feel similarly.
>
>
> (I hope this doesn't sound like distant-Chris - I don't seem to put introspection down in words very well.)
>
>
> Mmmmmm.... Åsa.
>
> Right now, I am thinking about our day on the 29th, spinning around with you while walking, playing in the trees, and it makes me very happy. The rest of it as well - climbing trees outside the old fort, drinking wine at that picnic table in Drobak, sitting next to the pond and talking about poor Daniel - it was all wonderful. I love that you are in my life and that you are in this world. I send both my love and warm thoughts for a healthy Åsa.
>
> As always,
>
> - Chris
>
>
>
>>
>
>



--
Aasa Bergem
Sverdrupsgate 9A
0559 Oslo, Norway
+47 40455770

Because poetry...
whispers between the lines, directly to your soul


English translation will follow
Enojy! :-)
~Aasa

"Drømmer og utopier sier de kloke menn,
de som er kalde av hjertet. Hør ikke på dem lenger
Livet er ikke bare hus og penger
Vi er bestandig på vei
Bestanding et stykke lenger
På vei mot seier eller nederlag
Det haster - Det haster i dag!

Vær utålomodig menneske
Sett dine egne spor
Det gjelder vårt evige korte liv
Det gjelder vår jord"
~Fra "Vær utålmodig menneske" av Inger Hagerup

Fra en annen virkelighet

Syk blir en av ropet om virkelighet.
Altfor nær var jeg tingene,
slik at jeg brant meg igjennom
og står på den andre siden av dem,
der lyset ikke er skilt fra mørket,
der ingen grenser er satt,
bare en stillhet som kaster meg ut i universet av ensomhet,
og av uhelbredelig ensomhet.

Se, jeg svaler min hånd i kjølig gress:
Det er vel virkelighet,
det er vel virkelighet nok for dine øyne,
men jeg er på den andre siden
hvor gresstrå er kimende klokker av sorg og bitter forventning.
Jeg holder et menneskes hånd,
ser inn i et menneskes øyne,
men jeg er på den andre siden
der mennesket er en tåke av ensomhet og angst.

Å, om jeg var en sten
som kunne rumme denne tomhetens tyngde,
om jeg var en stjerne
som kunne drikke denne tomhetens smerte,
men jeg er et menneske kastet ut i grenselandet,
og stillheten hører jeg bruse,
stillheten hører jeg rope
fra dypere verdner enn denne.
~Gunvor Hofmo


Ja visst gjør det ondt
Av Karin Boye

Ja visst gör det ondt när knoppar brister.
Varför skulle annars våren tveka?
Varför skulle all vår heta längtan
bindas i det frusna bitterbleka?
Höljet var ju knoppen hela vintern.
Vad är det för nytt, som tär och spränger?
Ja visst gör det ont när knoppar brister,
ont för det som växer
och det som stänger.

Ja nog är det svårt när droppar faller.
Skälvande av ängslan tungt de hänger,
klamrar sig vid kvisten, sväller, glider -
tyngden drar dem neråt, hur de klänger.
Svårt at vara ovuss, rädd och delad,
svårt at känna djupet dra och kalla,
ändå sitta kvar och bara darra -
svårt at vilja stanna
och vilja falla.

Då, när det är värst och inget hjälper,
brister som i jubel trädets knoppar,
då, när ingen rädsle längre håller,
faller i ett glitter kvistens droppar,
glömmer at de skrämdes av det nya,
glömmer at de ängslades för färden -
känner en sekund sin största trygghet,
vilar i den tillit
som skapar världen.


I kväll har himlen ingen skrud
By Karin Boye

I kväll har himlen ingen skrud.
Han huttrar naken.
Och aldrig såg jag förr hans blick
så alltför vaken.

Säg, när du somnar in i kväll:
En dag är vunnen.
På vägen där man mister allt
en rast är hunnen.

Så skall du leva dag för dag
och ständigt mista,
och ändå vilja vara kvar
in i det sista.

Så skall du finna livet starkt,
som orkar brinna.
Så skall vart miste bli en vinst --
ty du skall hinna

allt längre mot den livets grund,
som fött dig naken
och bortom alla drömmars svek
är själva saken --

tills i ditt största mistes stund
din själ förbrunnen
går till de släckta ljusens stad.
En dag är vunnen.


You shall thank
By Karin Boye

You shall thank your gods,
if they force you to go
where you have no footprints
to trust to.

You shall thank your gods,
if all shame on you they pin.
You must seek refuge
a little further in.

What the whole world condemns
sometimes manages quite well.
Outlaws were many
who gained their own soul.

He who is forced to wild wood
looks on all with new sight,
and he tastes with gratitude
life's bread and salt.

You shall thank your gods,
when your shell they break.
Reality and kernel
the sole choice you can make.



Tonight the heavens have no garb
By Karin Boye

Tonight the heaven has no garb.
He shivers naked.
And never saw I yet his gaze
so all-too waking.

Say, when you fall asleep tonight:
A day is won.
On the road where one loses all
a rest's begun.

Then you will live from day to day
and lose, lose fast,
and yet desire still to remain
until the last.

Then you will find life strong,
if you can burn.
Then will each loss become a gain -
for you shall turn

ever further towards that ground of life
that gave you birth,
and beyond all dreams' deceit
the cause is there -

until in the hour of your greatest loss
your soul, burned down,
goes to the place of extinguished lights.
A day is won.

Do we want to repeat history?

A re-post from 05.11.10 after request from a reader. Enjoy!
~ Aasa

The American president Barack Obama
receives the Nobel peace price of 2009.

"I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace."

~George W. Bush (From a speech at the Dept. of Housing and Urban Development in Wash. DC, 6/18/02.)


"The instruments of war do have a role to play in preserving the peace"
~ Barack Obama (10/11/09)

"You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war."

~ Albert Einstein

According to Nobel's will, the Peace Prize should be awarded to the person who:
"shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses."


The Nobel committees choice for this years peace price is again making a ridicule of the symbolism of the price itself, when president Barack Obama entered the pantheon of Nobel Peace Prize winners. Just nine days after ordering 30,000 more U.S. troops into battle in Afghanistan, Obama delivered a Nobel acceptance speech that he saw as a treatise on war’s use and prevention. In his speeches, Obama refused to renounce war for his nation or under his leadership, saying defiantly that “I face the world as it is” and that he is obliged to protect and defend the United States. “To say that force is sometimes necessary is not a call to cynicism, it is a recognition of history,” he claims. And continues; “The belief that peace is desirable is rarely enough to achieve it.”
The speeches held by Obama concerning the war in Afghanistan is strangely alike those held of Bush to justify the war in Iraq. Back then the general crowd was cheering and agreeing the logic of war being necessary for the means of peace. We see the exact same thing happening now - Obama was in mostly welcomed and celebrated in the streets of Oslo. It took most people several years with casualties and damages before turning and going against Bush and the war in Iraq. Do we really need to go through all that one more time to open up our eyes? An other interesting thing about Obamas Nobel peace price speech is that it is not about peace, but it is more or less a defense speech for the war he is leading now. By sending another 30,000 U.S. troops to Afghanistan – on top of the 21,000 he dispatched last spring – this year's Nobel Peace Prize laureate will have tripled the American military presence there by the time the last of the reinforcements arrive in mid-2010.

While he has made some strides for international diplomacy, Obama was given the prize only a few weeks after his election. In awarding the prize to Obama, the Nobel panel cited his call for a world free of nuclear weapons, for a more engaged U.S. role in combating global warming, for his support of the United Nations and multilateral diplomacy, and for broadly capturing the attention of the world and giving its people “hope.” But the Nobel committee made its announcement in October when he wasn’t even nine months on the job, recognizing his aspirations more than some of the achievements he has done alter on.

So, maybe Barack Obama has a few achievements to show for so far, but if the price was presented to him after these deeds as well, would they be enough to overshadow two other important factors. One - the fact that Obama is in all his speeches justifying and now also escanning the war in Afghanistan with sending 30,000 more U.S. troops into battle.
And two - if we consider how many people who are working hard and has done so much for peace, it is an offense to give it to Barack Obama at this point. Mahatma Gandhi, the greatest symbol of peace and non-violence in the 20-th century, was carefully kept away from the Nobel Peace Prize till he died, despite decades of selfless hard work. In view of the length of time, the degree of suffering and the sheer bravery of the previous winners of this award, this is a terrible mistake. There are thousands of more worthy candidates out there, actually doing stuff, putting their life and well-being on the line. And they are also so much more needing of the attention the Nobels peace prize can give them to continue and uphold the efforts they are doing for peace. Obama is in no need of such attention, and it is very unlikely it will change his politics in any direction. The trouble is they're not a famous president.

What Obama gave to the world when he entered into office was hope. Hope for change in a world filled with war and injustice. He gave hope through words and speeches. To give promises of hope is all good and can give inspiration to many. But it does not qualify for a peace making politician. It is important to see the difference between words and action. Especially if the actions show themselves to be the opposite of some of these words. And so far, Obamas actions are not deserving of what this price symbolizes. So far it rather screams loud of clever propaganda.

So, one can then wonder what the foundation of a Nobel peace price now is grounded upon. Has the true symbolism of the Nobel Peace Prize lost it´s value?

Prior leaders that has been given the Nobel peace price:
Mother Teresa (1979)
14th Dalai Lama (1989)
Aung San Suu Kyi (1991)
Nelson Mandela (1993)

Obama

A re-post from 05.11.10 after request from a reader. Enjoy!
~ Aasa

A tiny kick to the rejoice of the world

I have for a while thought about the matter that it seems most people who are so-called "liberal" wants Obama to win and now celebrates like it is the the revolution of the decade.
But do we, so far, know much about his actual plans and what politics he will really aim for? Yes, he is certainly not Republican, so he is by far (In my opinion) the better choice of two, but is he really as amazing as everybody now seems to think? Is he 'the new political messiah' as people think him to be? Or is he getting a free ticket to this label simply because of his skin color and clever propaganda?
(Now I think it is wonderful that the man will actually fight against racism and for gay rights ).... But look now anyway here on a few of the cases the man actually aims for:

-Unconditional support for Israel
-Escalation of the War in Afghanistan
-Continued military rearmament in the U.S.
-An emergency package that is a pure gift to the richest, and a fraud against the American people

Judge for yourself
But personally I do not believe the promise of greener pastures in the US yet.
If Obama was in Norwegian politics, he had not been labelled "radical" but "very conservative"

~ Åsa

Norwegian poetry I

As always, I am no fan of translations, because so much is normally lost in them. I don't like the English version of this that much, but I want the people who don't read Norwegian to read it as well, so I post both. The Norwegian version is in nynorsk, which has a very beautiful way of it that is melodious and perfect for poetry.
This poem is truly beautiful and one of my favourites

Hope you´ll enjoy

~ Aasa

º°¨°ºº©©º°°º©©º°¨°º©©ºº°¨°ºº°¨°ºº©©º°°º©©º°¨°º©©ºº°¨°º

It's the Dream

It's the dream we carry in secret
that something miraculous will happen
that it must happen --
that time will open
that the heart will open
that doors will open
that the mountains will open
that springs will gush --
that the dream will open
that one morning we will glide into
some harbor we didn't know was there..


Det er den draumen

Det er den draumen me ber på
at noko vidunderlig skal skje,
at det må skje -
at tidi skal opna seg,
at hjarta skal opna seg,
at dører skal opna seg,
at berget skal opna seg
at kjeldor skal springa -
at draumen skal opna seg,
at me ei morgonstund skal glida inn
på ein våg me ikkje har visst um.

~ Olav H Hauge

º°¨°ºº©©º°°º©©º°¨°º©©ºº°¨°ºº°¨°ºº©©º°°º©©º°¨°º©©ºº°¨°º

I am also a big fan of this Norwegian poet.


I hold your head

~ Stein Mehren

I hold your head
in my hands, as you hold
my heart in your affection
as everything holds and is
held by something other than itself
As the sea lifts a stone
to its strands, as the tree
holds the ripe fruit of autumn, as
the world is lifted through worlds and space
So are we both held by something and lifted
to where mystery holds mystery in its hand

Jeg holder ditt hode

Jeg holder ditt hode
i mine hender, som du holder
mitt hjerte i din ømhet
slik allting holder og blir
holdt av noe annet enn seg selv
Slik havet løfter en sten
til sine strender, slik treet
holder høstens modne frukter, slik
kloden løftes gjennom kloders rom
Slik holdes vi begge av noe
og løftes
dit gåte holder gåte i sin hånd

º°¨°ºº©©º°°º©©º°¨°º©©ºº°¨°ºº°¨°ºº©©º°°º©©º°¨°º©©ºº°¨°º

Fatherfucker

A re-post from 2006

I have discovered an artist which I really enjoy, for several reasons. I have always liked several kinds of music, everything from metal, rock, jazz to electropunk.
This time it is Peaches. A woman who a first glance just seem to be a singer getting famous through sexually provocative lyrics and shows. And this is a quite popular opionion. here has been many quotes about her, like "The title Impeach my Bush, may suggest otherwise but Merrill Nisker (known as Peaches) is concerned with sex and little else. Which is no bad thing, to Dan Martin's mind"
- Dan Martin, The Observer
But looking a little closer, this woman is truly great and has, in my opinion, a lot to offer more than catchy tunes and sex.

Peaches is provocative, but not mindlessly and manipulative to get fame and attention.
One of the reasons she is provocative is because the mainstream dictates that women be the objects of desire, not the agents of it. And Peaches reaches out and grabs us by the balls.

-"Well, I'll be happy when it's not provocative." she says
But still society seems to react strongly to her messages.
"If I'm saying two boys for every girl, it's like Jan and Dean saying 'two girls for every boy'. I don't really understand why it's normal and accepted when it's said in that context, just because it's something we're used to." she says

She takes the things we are used to for women and take for granted, and switch it around to count for men as well. One example is one her albums called Fatherfucker. The title alone seemed to indicate her move towards more actively subverting the standard gender norms and double-standards. A kind of Regender exercise for sex. As she says:

"Why do we stub our toe and say, ‘Aww motherfucker!’? What is a motherfucker? … We use it in our everyday language, and it’s such an insanely intense word. I’m not one to shy away from these obscene terms that we actually have in our mainstream. Motherfucker is a very mainstream word. But if we’re going to use motherfucker, why don’t we use fatherfucker? I’m just trying to be even.

This girl has an uncompromising attitude towards women’s sexuality, and is not afrad to show it
She also scores points for not fitting in with the glamour model standards of beauty which demands of women before they can have an opinion on sex. One of her tracks has referenced her cup size of AA, she’s donned a beard for the cover of one album, and photos of her regularly show pubic hair protuding unapologetically from her bright pink shiny pants. Wow.

Hit it Hard, includes the line “make a woman a man and a man can-can”. Boys Wanna Be Her describes some rockin’ female star who inspires the admiration of boys and girls alike, in fact “the boys wanna be her” (as we all know, for a boy to want to associate with anything female is A Very Bad Thing).

This track can remind of something sais by Abby Lee, who wrote recently:

"It’s 2007 and when it comes to sexual material for the heterosexual women, I’m bored of only being offered female imagery - as if everyone, men and women included, should find that stimulating…. I’m all for a more open and uncensored sexually liberated society, but if women are still going to be marginalied purely as objects for men’s pleasure and not as the subjects seeking and obtaining pleasure in their own right, then I’m destined to be a moody fucking bitch who will not shut up about it."

And in my opinion it’s not good enough to simply have things for women that are the same as they are for men now. There needs to be an emphasis on freedom, fairness, equality, consent and respect for both/all genders and importantly, not intruding on anyone’s preference to be free of sexual imagery imposed on them in their daily life.

But I don’t believe that Peaches messages are about switching things around to the extent that women are as objectifying or disrespectful towards men as some men are towards women. Equality, fairness and consent are indeed features. In Get It, there’s a simple message: “you wanna get it/give it/got it? well it may sound like a simple idea but/to get it gotta give it”

Two Guys (For Every Girl) is a track that’s had a lot of attention. At a time when in practically every music video you see sexy ‘babes’ groping each other, the cover of every lad mag magazine has two nude girls, breasts pressing together pouting, the UK’s most successful sex magazine aimed at heterosexual women (Scarlet) always has a woman on the cover and regularly includes pseudo-lesbian imagery, simply reversing the genders in this track actually IS subversive.

"Come over here hot boys don’t you worry I’m nice…
i got a lusty proposition that I know will suffice
let me lay out this condition that I know will entice
i wanna take you home and get you satisfied…
just one thing i can’t compromise
i wanna see you work it guy on guy
i wanna see you boys get down with each other
i wanna see you do you’re lil nasty brother"

This is taken from her interview in the February/March 2006 issue of Bust:

Interviewer: Do you think it was at all empowering for girls to see Madonna and Britney kiss?

Peaches: It was good for publicity. I’d like to see Justin Timberlake and Pharrell Williams make out on stage; that’s way more subversive to me than seeing Madonna and Britney Spears. I think girls are so ahead. That’s what Fatherfucker was all about. It’s like, ‘boys, shake your dicks.’ How many songs tell women to ‘shake your ass’? Or, I’m watching those VH1 specials on ass and every time they mention a guy’s ass they’re like, ‘I don’t wanna see that, ehhh!’ But every time they mention a girl’s ass they’re like, ‘She’s got a great ass!’ It’s about time Pharrell Williams and Justin Timberlake or Snoop Dogg and fuckin’ Ludacris suck each others dicks for everybody to see, and release a video… I want every girl to go home with two guys if they want to. And I want two guys to impress the girl by making out in front of her.

But if you have been all shocked by her lyrics, then take a look again. She often says and makes things that reminds us to not take it too seriously.
With lyrics like: “Slippery dick? It’s just a fish in the Atlantic (note:and it is true)… fist fuck cock suck/what’s the diff?” she says innocently, like, what’s all the fuss about anyway? I like to think this is a comment on double-standards and how different sexual practices are viewed and treated. Does it matter what you do and who you do it with, as long as it’s consensual? No. It shouldn’t matter.

And anyway....I think she is HOT! Attitude yeah!

Even More Tao

I am very influenced by the thoughts and wisdom of Tao. And I find it a good guidance in times when I can feel confused and without inner answers myself. Here is more from the book of the Tao Te Ching. Enjoy!
- Åsa

Returning to the root is the movement of Tao.
Quietness is how it functions.

The ten thousand things are born of being.
Being is born of nothing.

--
Though others have faults,
Concentrate on your own.

Some people have the habit of blaming others. Perhaps all of us have this weakness. The list of scapegoats for our miseries is clever and endless. Parents, community, teachers, government, and even demons and gods are all invoked when we have problems. If difficulties truly come from the outside, the problem is not blame. For those cases, the course of action is very clear : Neutralize that influence. If the problem comes from within, the solution must come from within as well. Before you blame friends, relatives, or teachers for bad habits and shortsightedness, you should remember that no one is to blame but yourself.

It is an equal mistake to lose self-esteem simply because you have some flaws. Looking at your shortcomings and taking steps to eliminate them should be viewed as a dispassionate project. You are not worthless because you undertake to rise above your faults. That description is only for those who never attempt to perfect themselves. We all have a perfect core, a special self inside. That purity is perfect and holy; therefore, no one is worse than another.

We are all on this planet simply to reach back into that pure self. When we reach that spirit, there are no flaws and there is no blame.

Yes, I know it is a horrid clihee, but here I come with a song text. ANd quite a bad one in a way too, well at least simple. But still, I had a little someting that I enjoyed
Who knows, maybe you will too?
~ Aasa

I've had so many lives Since I was a child And I
realise How many times I've died I'm not that kind of
guy Sometimes I feel shy I think I can fly Closer to the
sky No ones telling you how to live your
life But it's a setup until you're
fed up This world is not so kind People trap your
mind
It's so hard to find Someone to admire

I… I sleep much better at night I feel closer to the light Now I'm gonna
try To improve my life No ones telling you how to live your
life But it's a setup until you're
fed up It's no good when you're
misunderstood But why should I care? What the
world thinks of me Won't let a stranger
Give me a social disease

Nobody, nobody knows meNobody knows meNobody knows meLike you know me

Won't let a stranger
Give me a social disease

I don't want no lies I don't watch TV I don't waste my time Won't read a magazine

Nobodynobodynobodynobody knows meNobody knows meNobody knows meLike you know me

Its no fun but the damage is done Don't want your social disease
Don't want your social disease

Nobody knows meNobody knows meNobody knows me
Don't want your social disease

Free Spotify Premium
Just answer a short survey, and get free Spotify premium
remeber to say no, it it will slide quickly trough
:-)
- Aasa

The Casanova complex

Recognize yourself in parts of the below description? :
Other forms of love and sex addiction
Positive redefinition. Find an other way of living by transforming your fears
Other articles I have written on the same theme:
- The high flyer
- The dance of the vounded souls
- The Phantom / The Dracul / The shadow


The Casanova:
- Escape through pleasure

Contrary to popular belief, people with the Casanova complex isn't necessarily compulsively drawn to sex, even though some of them might be highly sexually driven--the Casanova Complex is in its core about feeling good and escaping subconscious pain; it is about admiration, thrill and seduction, and this can be both physically or just emotionally. It is also not, as often thought, only men who suffer from this, it is just as common for women.

A Casanovas trademark is to pull you in very close to them at the start of your acquaintance. A Casanova will describe themselves as "good at reaching intimacy fast". And you might get exhilarated by the attention they give you in the beginning. It is like the sun is shining upon you. Though, suddenly, that sun is gone, and you ask yourself what happened, or what you did wrong. The answer is, you did nothing wrong. The typical Casanova pull you close and then later, push you away, this is their pattern. In their presence you will either feel adored and admired or devalued and dejected. And this might also be the inner reality of the Casanova. Some types have a inflated ego, feeling superior and strong. They feel fearless and invincible, and they do not feel empathy or deeper care for others. The other kind is the more neurotic one, having a quite codependent life, and inner fears they need to escape. But both have in common one thing, they both have a deeper conflict from within that fuels their actions, and which they are oftentimes not even aware of themselves: The Casanova cannot feel passionate/dramatic yearning for someone unless they are (to different degrees) out of reach (physically or emotionally). A person who's present, loving and available doesn't trigger the difficult emotions they learned as a child, which were about loving an unavailable parent.

Normally they act out of the impulses they get, which are the more "shallow feelings" their inner conflict produce: if they leave something it is because they feel boredom, they simply get tired of it, or just feel its interest and shine fade. In this they only feel the surface of their own conflict.
But deeply, the root to their need to seduce is their strong desire to be seen, to feel love, desire, connection and lust for somebody else. They yearn for that form of connection, as they longed for that unavailable parent as a child. They also often feel empty without these feelings of attraction and "love" present in their life; If they are simply alone, a void in their feelings might surface, their deeper feeling of emptiness. This is why Casanovas tend to more or less always have something going, either just longing and dreaming, a flirt, a fling, a relationship, or any other thing to keep them busy and away from their inner conflict. Their frantic need to remain attached is created by a lifetime of avoiding their own difficult feelings. If they have codependent features, they may also be obsessed with rescuing compulsions , but efforts to escape their core pain/emptiness will eventually be transferred to the need of rescuing somebody else, if you stay available to them.

The deeper conflict:

There are many fascets in the deeper conflict of the Casanova. I will try to describe some of them here. One part, that is the total opposite of the feelings of desire and love are their fears. This might be the fears of being abandoned or rejected. (They often carry deep wounds of being rejected either physically or emotionally in early childhood.) Or it might be the strong fear of loosing their freedom. They will always insist on their freedom, and be subconsciously terrified that you will take it away from them. Being committed might to them feel like being"tied down". It stirs their subconscious fear of loosing themselves. On an unknown level they feel like they will be forced, get bored, or even die. They can commit, and sometimes they even want to commit, but they can normally only commit when their object of desire is still out of reach in some way. Then their hidden fears will not arise, and they are can still play out their old pattern of battling and fighting for the closeness they fear so much.

The fear for deep closeness and commitment also has to them an old subconscious association with a feeling of being consumed by their loved one or by their own feelings. As a child they longed for this symbiosis with the parent, which they also at times felt. But this was also coupled with a total feeling of loss of control and their own identity; the feeling of disappearing into the other person and the other person being in control of them. This is also one of their oldest memories of loosing freedom.
And paradoxically enough, this is often also what a Casanova feels when they fall "fall in love". They borrow the other persons identity, and the borders between themselves and their object of desire are washed out; they loose themselves in the other person. This basically also happens because they have no strong limits, and the memory of the old merge with the parent is still there, driving them. And even though they may appear to have strong personalities, they have no really strong feeling of a self and don`t really at the core know who they are, so as a result they melt into the other person.
This ambivalence is what also fuels them. The need for desire, closeness and love, and the fear of being devoured if those needs are met. So they keep pushing and pulling, getting close and moving away. It is an endless circle of wanting and escaping.
If your relationship ends with a Casanova, no matter the form it had, they immediate need to replace you, to continue the circle. This is how they avoid their fears to resurface when feeling left alone. The Casanova's middle name is Rebound.

A key and trigger to the Casanovas fears, if allowed being felt, (and something they always therefore avoid it), is boredom. Boredom to a Casanova is a red flag and one of their main enemies. It can nearly feel to them like a small death. Boredom, stillness, stability, routine and commitment brings up all the feelings of fear they are so good at, and have made a life-style out of escaping. But since they mostly feel things at the surface, and don`t allow them to enter deeply, the only thing they might feel when these fears are triggered is restlessness, emptiness, nervousness, longing or a need to move on to somewhere or somebody else, to search for the next stimulating experience. And this continues their endless circle.

The behaviors described above are compensatory behaviors that help one defend against inner fragility and usually take the form in various addictions and/or compulsions that undermine even the most sound relationship dynamics. Attachment ambivalence consistently derails their ability to maintain deep, meaningful ties. These individuals often feel that even though they might be quite emotional and sensitive on the surface level, deep down they don`t really care about anything. And they don`t really need anyone.
This impairment stems from childhood self-esteem concerns, that make it virtually impossible for them to be emotionally naked or genuine with a partner who's actually available; the abandonment risk that's triggered is way too frightening. Bottom line, if a person isn't comfortable with themself, how could they possibly be centered and straight with You?!

Casanova traits can also include impulsivity, lack of empathy and borders, poor self-worth, inability to hold difficult emotions or self-soothe, splitting (love you/hate you), rebound relationships, OCD or anxiety issues, addictive behavior (over eating, sex or love addiction, general pleasure addictions) an incapacity to want you--unless they can't have you, narcissism, grandiosity(I am the best, most unique, totally different etc), selective memory/recall, black or white thinking, control (avoiding all control or overly controlling) and codependency issues, etc.

All these conflicting feelings are part of what produces their, to others, highly confusing behavior.
I must again underline the fact that most of these conflicting feelings are oftentimes totally subconscious and the Casanova is living happily unaware of them, only giving into the impulses they make that surface to their consciousness. (Except, as I mentioned, in circumstances when boredom or rejection might make them surface.)


You and the Casanova:
- An endless circle

If you get entangled with a Casanova and only see the surface of what is happening, initially, you may be taken with their unique openness and vulnerability, which they oftentimes have to an abundance (at least as long as they haven`t won you over yet.) You might feel that it's refreshing to find a person who doesn't censor their feelings/thoughts, and seems emotionally accessible! It's incredible that this person appears so completely without guile, they almost instantly puts you at ease and inspires your trust.

Casanovas makes sure you know how grateful they are to have finally found you, because you're "like no other person" they have ever known. They are expert at fast intimacy, and draws you in early on. Their enthusiasm and glee seem authentic, and it is authentic, just only in the moment. And their enthusiasm is not really about you (although it certainly feels that way.) The Casanova falls in love with image they create of you in their mind, they adore it, they dream about it, they lust for it. You are the perfect person to them at this stage, and idealisation. This is what thrills them and gives them a deep feeling of pleasure, and they want nothing more than this. It is the thrill and feeling of love they have then that they do all this for. They feel totally alive through this fantasy that they create about you. Combined with the admiration and attention you feed back to them, they are high on your connection.

So maybe you feel that you're appreciated for your qualities and attributes, and admired/respected for the person you've become. Because the Casanovas are extremely attentive at first, and often wants to be with you constantly. They shower you with attention--which is like music to your soul. As this courtship picks up speed, you feel fortunate to have found such a considerate, loving, thoughtful partner--but just as you begin trusting that their pronouncements of love are genuine and start envisioning your future together, things change. As soon as a Casanovas senses you're really Theirs, they distance themselves, shuts down and/or finds fault with you. The chase is over, and also their thrill in it. What they sought in it is not there anymore. And if you don`t produce a new obstacles for them to climb, or create more distance for them to win over, and start the entire dance one more time, they will vanish. This Dr. Jekyll - Mr. Hyde split in behavior and demeanor is a dead giveaway that you're involved with a Casanova complex person.

So yes, "love" is blind. When you're with a Casanova, you'll see only what you want to see about this person--and you won't begin to wake up until they drop you on your head, and you're left with feelings of pain and feelings of rejection. Even then, a lot of people will still not leave the Casanova, in hope for "the good times" to return. These so-called "good times" will only return if you setup the theater stage for it to be played again, making yourself out of their reach. And then again as always, the moment you display devotion, they will put a fence between you, themselves and the possibility for real closeness.

So as I mentioned before, the chase itself is what is intoxicating for them, the attention they get and the admiration that is mirrored from their object of desire flows their deflated ego with a good, warm feeling. Their repressed low self-esteem or different fears is patched up by your attention and love. It is the conquest of you that drives them, the confirmation they feel of their worth when they win you over--outside of that, they get bored, because love itself is not their goal.
It never was, because they still have not experienced it for real. The Casanova only knows pseudo-love, and selfish love created for their own needs. These people are love-avoidant. It's not that they haven't wanted love, some of them even yearn for this more than anything--it's just that on an unconscious level they've never been able to trust it. You will not change this, no matter how much you adore them, or how 'safe' you make it for them emotionally, or how much you love them. They can only change themselves by breaking their pattern. And you are part of their pattern.

An important aspect of living close or having a relationship to a Casanova is their subconsciously ambivalent feelings, which might end up driving you crazy. The contradictions and mixed messages will just keep coming (because of their inner conflict). They are deeply confused about what they really want, so the mixed messages are more or less their trademark. Not because they want to confuse you, they just don`t really know themselves. And they subconsciously want so opposite things at the same time.

At first, if you really like this person, you might sweep this under the rug, and find ways to excuse them--but it get's tougher to feel like you're on solid ground when the rules keep changing all the time. For example; they might insists that you learn to sleep very close or entwined--but just as you get accustomed to it, you'll begin finding them on the farthest side of the bed. If you approach this subject, they'll scold you for not bringing it up sooner--and make it seem like your failing. Their push and pull when it comes to closeness is shown in most aspects and areas of their lives.

You may be a strong, well-established, successful person with a mind of your own, but the Casanova has an uncanny ability to wear you down until you're second-guessing and doubting yourself. Fairly soon after your romance takes flight, they could coax you to "open up" or let down your guard, and trust them more. Up to this point, their behaviors have been loving--but you've gone with your instincts so far, and it takes you awhile to let someone in really close.
A long-time friend eventually succumbed to the cajoling of such a male. The minute she dropped her armor and gave him access to her softer, vulnerable side, he got bored, phoned less, and found fault with her.

Casanova often has some subconscious self-worth issues, so their only way of gauging if a partner finds them worthy of their time or interest, is by noticing their early willingness for "intimacy" / emotional or sexual contact; That's their barometer. They'll cast aside any partner who views them as being deeply lovable or worthy of admiration and doesn`t offer the thrill they find in "being won over". Why should they take interest? They need the challenge to seduce and conquer.

Your typical Casanova lover is very sensitive on the surface--to well, just about everything. If you stay with this person on a long term, you might see them change a lot. If you actually mange to get them really close, their real and deeper conflicts will arise.
This doesn't mean they won't be sweet to you at times, or even generous. They thrill on this, but only if they need to win you over and gets the gratification of your attention from it. They are stuck in the need for seduction, in any form it comes.
This also shows in their committed relationships. In these situations their determination to please you wanes--unless they can keep seducing you, when your attention is diverted by something, or someone else. The Casanova kicks into high gear to win you over, only if there's threat of losing you. His grandiose ego can't tolerate competition, yet he thrives on it. The 'seduction phase' feels activating and heady--and (like all addictions) floods him with sensations of aliveness. He literally lives for these episodes, because he feels empty and dead inside, without them.

These are individuals in a lot of inner pain, they just don`t always know it themselves, or if they have a feeling of it, they don`t allow it to fully surface. They feel it in the flash of a moment of rejection, and this might just pull them into obsessing about the person who rejected them, avoiding the pain that surfaced by winning that person over.
Casanovas might be masters at avoiding conflict and pain, because instead they might also tend to pull themselves towards the good specter of feelings. And their ability to escape their own pain by living the Casanova lifestyle is tremendous. They fill their lives with thrills, seduction and amorous feelings. They always try to pull themselves away from the "bad" feelings and into the sphere where they always are happy and content. With a life of subconscious escape, they sometimes are not even aware of it themselves. But a Casanova will always come to a point in life where they really will feel the emptiness they have created and the void of meaning their life-style has made. And this might be, if they are willing to be open to it, their turning point, the opportunity to change. Don`t think you can rescue them. It is impossible for any other than themselves to do that. And only if they get aware of their own patterns, the healing might start. And never forget, if you feel like this fits you. These are people with great capacity for emotion, intimacy and connecting with others. They only have to battle their fears so they can actually access it in a healthy way instead of destructive. :-)

Hope you had some value of this article, and maybe it gave you a few insights to even avoid a toxic relationship, let go of somebody that is bad for you, or maybe even realize that you are living in a Casanova manner that it hurting your true ability to love. No matter what it might be, the best of luck to you! :-)
- Aasa

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Much of the information in this article is taken from the book:
The Casanova Complex: Compulsive Lovers and Their Women
LINKS:
Did you recognize yourself in any of this? Then have a look at these links:
Positive redefinition. Find an other way of living by transforming your fears
Are you a love addict? Self test
Sex and love addicts anonymous
Addicted to "Love": Understanding Dependencies of the Heart : Romance, Relationships, and Sex
For you who have been a victim of a compusive lover:
The vounded woman by Linda Schierse Leonard
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
How to Break Your Addiction to a Person

This post is a tribute to trees

I love trees,
in every shape and shade
And one of the best parts of
it all is that you can climb them
And sit high up in the top and
smell the scent of the tree
and listen to the brush
of the leaves in the wind
and look far, far away from your little hide in the top
Life alwasy is wonderful when you are in a tree









I think I am secretly in love with trees

Var jeg et tre

Av Arnulf Øverland

Var jegt et tre,
hadde jeg stille gleder.
Det vilde komme til meg fra fjerne steder,
bare jeg lot det skje.
Fuglene bodde hos mig og bygget reder,
– jeg kunde stå ved en vei:
trette menneskebarn skulde trygge
søke min skygge;
alt vilde komme til mig!

Blest vilde bruse i mig,
bier bære mitt støv,
dagene drive forbi mig,
nettene dugge mitt løv!

Hen over jorden skrider
årets tider.
De skulde gjennemstrømme mig, alle.
Frukt skulde tynge mig
og mine blader falle,
våren atter forynge mig!
Under de stumme stjernene
skulde jeg sove min søvn i sne,
var jeg et tre!

If I was a tree

If I was a tree
silent joys would I have
From afar they would come to me
if I only let it be
The birds would live and build nests in me
I could stand by a road
tired children could comfortly seek
my shadow
everything would come to me!

The wind would brush in me
my pollen be carried by bees
slowly the days drift away
the nights make dew on my leaves!

All over earth travels
the seasons of time
All they would fill me
Heavy with fruits I would be
and my leaves would fall to the ground
the spring would again renew me
Under the silent stars
I would sleep my dreams in snow
if I was a tree!

dikt

INNBYING

Vil du gje meg handa ved månens skin,
lauv du er --
Under open himmel. Over open avgrunn.

Som lauv
er du og eg.
Fort skjelvande,
og fort borte.
Kom --

~ Tarjei Vesaas

DU
Sakte, med sikker
hånd, tar du kniven
og risper bort
det harde nøtteskallet som
svir og bretter seg rundt
det bløte
og hva renner
ut av sarte kronblader?
Du forundrer meg til stadighet

Night magic

~ A re-post from 2006

I ran through the forest, felt the soft and cold touch of the winter night.
In my mind the old symbols whispered through me, and came out as figures in the dark.
An animal cried out so softly from a hill, the spirits of the forest whispered in my mind.
I left the path and got lost behind the trees. Without a road, I was walking, between the smell of wet leaves. In the shimmering dew from an old oak tree I sat down.
I could feel the old symbols coming to me, touching who I was, deeply. I could see her white feet, glimmering in the dark night, like moonlight. She bore red berries in her hair, and leaves she carried as a bouquet, as if it was her wedding day. I could feel his presence behind a rock, he was standing there, watching me, silently. This is the night when you can return. This is the night you can remember. Don't forget. This is the night you can live the life of your fantasies. They made love in the wet grass. A unity of the powers from within. The meltdown of the opposites, creating a balance. The world is what you see. In your eyes you create your own life. Which life do you choose it to be?

Run out in the night
~ Aasa

relatinship

I have been a lot around a person lately that is driving me insane.
I don't want to say who it is, cause it´s a person I love very much and don´t want to talk shit about anybody like that either, so I will keep it anonymous.(And please don´t try to guess who it is)

But the thing is, I really need to get somethinging out about it, so I will write a little here.
Keep in mind that this is just my side of it all, so I guess a lot of neuances fall away.

She is so manipulating is getting on my nerves. And she cannot see it herself.
In the beginning when we are around each other everything is well and we get along perfectly and have a really good time. But after a while her stuff kicks in and she starts picking on me. Jumping up for the weirdest things and making me feel like shit about something I don't get at all. Never able to ask directly for what she needs or the things she feels, just manipulations all over.

First she gets mad. Often it´s for something I don´t get at all, like she asked me if I could go turn the heater off, and I didn´t want to right then cause I was bussy, so I said I would do it in a while. Then she gets totally mad and says that I am super-selfish and don´t know how to show care for her. (Obviously. I have always found switching of heaters to be a sign of care, heh)

....but she isn´t even directly mad, it´s just that hard "you should fear me and feel ashamed of yourself" -voice and her body freezes up and looks all "roboty".
I would prefer it a 1000 times if she just yelled at me.
Then either two things can happen.
1: She keeps this act and I try to stay calm, because I really don´t want a fight, until she pushes me to the edge and I explode and start yelling at her
2: She keeps pushing but I manage to stay calm and don´t get trapped in her ways.

Then if nr 2 happens, that I don´t respond to her ways, she gets all, "Now we should make up and pretend everything is fine"
At this point I am normally so pissed of because the way she is treating me and the last thing I want to do is to "make it good again"...I just want her to leave me alone and sod off.

And then when I don´t want to "make up" about it, I she pulls the "guilt-load" over my head.
I am so bad and selfish that don´t want to make up when she is comming here, trying to make things good again (She plays the perfect martyr) And it is always her that tries to apologize.

Very often she has a sertain pattern to the entire thing, and if I don´t do as excpected she flips and I am bad.
Like, I don´t want to apologize for soemthing I don´t feel I did wrong.
But to her apologizing is a sort of way to get to be friends again. It a standard thing you have to do after a fight, or there is something wrong.
I dont feel like that. Sometimes both think they did right and one can agree to disagree or something like that.
Of course it is important to be able to say you are sorry, if you really feel and know that you have done something unjust.
But oooh nooo, we have to follow the "sceme"......

I just want to scream and leave and move across she other side of the world so I never see her again.
But still I love her.

It´s hard and it´s getting on my nerves.
I just want to hang and have a good time.
Dammit!

Repeating Cycle of Love Addicts in Relating

First the Love Addict is attracted to the other person, because they seem powerfull and strong. This is usually an Avoidance Addict (or another Love Addict).

Fantasies are triggered and the Love Addict feels high. "It's karma, destiny, fate, we're soulmates. Our connection is magical, we explode together, the sex is the best ever... etc etc"

The Love Addict feels relief from the pain of loneliness, emptiness and not mattering. Feels high and elated, like it is the best feeling in the world and nothing can compare to it.

The Love Addict begins to enmesh with the partner, wanting more and more attention, sex, or whatever the addict feels as the strongest high, showing more neediness, want and desire. Partner starts by this to move away. The Love Addict denies the reality of this moving away by the avoidant, denies feeling and being abandoned by the partner. This denial protects against the agony of rejection and abandonment.

Eventually the Love Addict begins to be aware of the abandonment, and the denial slowly crumbles,- Is starting to really feel the rejection they fear so much. Reactions that follows differ much from each addict to an other, but can be any of the following:
Obsessing; Extreme focus on partner; must know or think about what partner is doing at all times. Talk to others about it, and think abuot it constantly. May rage and get hysterical; may bargain, threaten. Some will stalk, or obsessively call or textmessage. Quite common is also to just endure it silently and say nothing to the other part, but be in a costant state of agony. May call partner's boss, announce to others to gain sympathy. May dress more seductively, go on vacation with partner, have affairs, showing extreme neediness to lure partner back. Relationship becomes more and more toxic.

Love Addict enters withdrawal. (Avoidance Addict fares better – just leaves). Love Addict’s original feelings of childhood are activated along with adult feelings of current abandonment. Pain, fear, anger, jealousy, emptiness, overwhelm,

hopelessness. Extremely intense depression and suicidal feelings. Fear becomes anxiety and panic. Anger becomes frustration, rage, or homicidal jealousy. As a result of this loss, the Love addict may also face loss of income, house,

being a single parent. Love Addict may be so overwhelmed that s/he goes into withdrawal or jumps to next point in cycle, obsession. This behavior shifts them outside of their painful feelings.

Love Addict now obsesses how to get the Avoidance Addict to return; or dreams about being rescued; or fantasizes about having a better lover; or ruminates how to get even with the Avoidance Addict partner; or contemplates indulging in

another addiction like food or drugs to numb the pain; or plans another sexual encounter with a new partner to avoid being alone.

Love Addict now compulsively acts out the obsessive plans. Get drugs, food at 2am. Burn partner’s clothes. Go and beg partner to return, threaten suicide. Take overdose of pills. Kill partner, children and self. Go get laid.

Repeat cycle either with the returning partner or the ensnared new partner.