First the Love Addict is attracted to the other person, because they seem powerfull and strong. This is usually an Avoidance Addict (or another Love Addict).
Fantasies are triggered and the Love Addict feels high. "It's karma, destiny, fate, we're soulmates. Our connection is magical, we explode together, the sex is the best ever... etc etc"
The Love Addict feels relief from the pain of loneliness, emptiness and not mattering. Feels high and elated, like it is the best feeling in the world and nothing can compare to it.
The Love Addict begins to enmesh with the partner, wanting more and more attention, sex, or whatever the addict feels as the strongest high, showing more neediness, want and desire. Partner starts by this to move away. The Love Addict denies the reality of this moving away by the avoidant, denies feeling and being abandoned by the partner. This denial protects against the agony of rejection and abandonment.
Eventually the Love Addict begins to be aware of the abandonment, and the denial slowly crumbles,- Is starting to really feel the rejection they fear so much. Reactions that follows differ much from each addict to an other, but can be any of the following:
Obsessing; Extreme focus on partner; must know or think about what partner is doing at all times. Talk to others about it, and think abuot it constantly. May rage and get hysterical; may bargain, threaten. Some will stalk, or obsessively call or textmessage. Quite common is also to just endure it silently and say nothing to the other part, but be in a costant state of agony. May call partner's boss, announce to others to gain sympathy. May dress more seductively, go on vacation with partner, have affairs, showing extreme neediness to lure partner back. Relationship becomes more and more toxic.
Love Addict enters withdrawal. (Avoidance Addict fares better – just leaves). Love Addict’s original feelings of childhood are activated along with adult feelings of current abandonment. Pain, fear, anger, jealousy, emptiness, overwhelm,
hopelessness. Extremely intense depression and suicidal feelings. Fear becomes anxiety and panic. Anger becomes frustration, rage, or homicidal jealousy. As a result of this loss, the Love addict may also face loss of income, house,
being a single parent. Love Addict may be so overwhelmed that s/he goes into withdrawal or jumps to next point in cycle, obsession. This behavior shifts them outside of their painful feelings.
Love Addict now obsesses how to get the Avoidance Addict to return; or dreams about being rescued; or fantasizes about having a better lover; or ruminates how to get even with the Avoidance Addict partner; or contemplates indulging in
another addiction like food or drugs to numb the pain; or plans another sexual encounter with a new partner to avoid being alone.
Love Addict now compulsively acts out the obsessive plans. Get drugs, food at 2am. Burn partner’s clothes. Go and beg partner to return, threaten suicide. Take overdose of pills. Kill partner, children and self. Go get laid.
Repeat cycle either with the returning partner or the ensnared new partner.
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