Loosing people and honorably goodbyes

Ahohohoa, argument, headache, and when I am hurt everything just pours out of me. I get mean, I guess, but I don't say anything that I haven't thought for a truth - always the truth, still - hurtful. But my temper, oh my! I am too much of a passionate person and it takes me away like the wind....When I ride the waves of emotion I am lost, not sensible at all.

I don´t like things like that. If I have had somebody in my life that meant something, I want to know that maybe I can chat with them now and then. We loose too many and turn our backs on many more.
Its sad.
But his silence hurt me so much, so,so, much.
I wonder if he understood that, really how much.

I always want to make friends after a fight, but it seems some people will not after you´ve said certain things to them. Then they will not forget. I forget to easily. (It must be my goldfish genes) I have a really wild temper, so I get super mad, but 2 min after I have calmed down I have forgotten the fight.

I always think one can talk things out and make amends, and this can make the relation grow and be closer, and I cannot not forgive somebody that asks my forgiveness.
But I guess in some situations it is just better to turn your back and leave too.
I don´t like fights, but who does, haha! - Difference is I always try to make it good even though maybe I shouldn't.

I feel to soft sometimes, to forgiving, to open, to much in want for things to be good between people.
Sometimes I wish I was harder and not so emotional
And that I could learn to shut up and not just let everything that is on my mind spill out! It´s mean to do that, but the words just jump out like fish trying to escape a frying-pan. I have never been able to sensor myself.

What I found out in the end, when I saw that he was unwilling to talk and leave this in a good way, I thought, "well, even if he doesn't want to, I can" .... So I sent him some last words, saying how I felt
- that I was sorry for how it became and if I hurt him, I never did it intentionally. That I hoped he could forgive me and that I wished the best for him.
These things were really true and how I felt it.

And when I could leave in a good honorable way, I felt I could let go.

I Never took any of my words back though, cause I meant all of them,
Still I didn't feel mad or angry at him anymore, just sad and maybe a trelief because it was all over and time for a true goodbye, and not a goodbye I would feel was "bad karma" or feel ashamed over.
I had done what I could in the end. Then he could just choose how he wanted to do it, it was not my responsibility

I could let go and release both myself and him in my mind!