I was born 10.02.1978
10+2+1+9+7+8 equals 10
I just turned 28
2+8 equals 10
I was born 10 : 19 am
1+9 equals 10
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Monday, February 13, 2006
An outburst of rage
Whats up with the world these days???
Wheres the genuinness? Wheres the knights of truth? Before there were a lot of barbarions, but at least honor and truth had a high place!
And whats up with the men? I am so damned tired of this indesicivness? Of passivity and hiding!
If I meet up with a guy he asks me ..."what do I want to do", because "it doesnt matter to him at all" and "I could just take him to a place I like".
Where is the spine guys? Do you think I will get mad if you show some personality? If you show that you want something?
Do you want me to be your girlfriend and your mommy? Somebody there for you to not take responsability in your life? Be a baby again?
Grow up Goddamit, I am not going to be that one. Show me a guy that can stand up for himself and his opinions no matter what it takes!
And whats with the shallow comments? Do you think a pretty face takes you anywhere at all? Do you really think it makes a difference? Is so sad looking at the people bowing for beaty.
This is what animals do, showing of their pretty, shiny featers.
But I am not here to talk shit about animals, we have a lot to learn from them in many ways
But this spinelesness....I mean, like this guy I got to know here in Barcelona.
I was in his place and saw he had this little thing with a marijuana-leaf carved on it, so I asked him if he smoked. He instantly replied no. A few months lafter he told me that he actually did, after he had learned that so did I. And he said he had said no before because he didnt know what I liked and preferd at that time before.
I mean, seriously people? Arent you tired of hiding? Pretending to be what the others want you to be? Do you think I am looking for people to get to know that are exactly like myself? What kinda narsisist would do that?
This spinlessness makes me sick, Theres a lot of weaknessess that I can approve of and even think is good to feel, but this kind, I cant. Its so small and petty.
Hiding yourself because you think somebody else will not like you. Pretending to be like them. Do you think they like you then? They just like the one you are playing thats all.
And do you really think everybody must like you? Is it such a scary feeling that somebody might not?
Petty, petty, petty!
If you feel soemthing, why not tell it? What is so bad with honesty?
Why are you peopel like this? It make me not want to be human.It makes me want to go to some other planet where people dare to be themself without compromises.
Damn you!!!!
I know I am silly to cast the first stone, silly and stupid. But right now I just want to be. And I dont want to understand why people are such cowards, as I see them right now
I am just mad and I had enough of it!!!!
Wheres the genuinness? Wheres the knights of truth? Before there were a lot of barbarions, but at least honor and truth had a high place!
And whats up with the men? I am so damned tired of this indesicivness? Of passivity and hiding!
If I meet up with a guy he asks me ..."what do I want to do", because "it doesnt matter to him at all" and "I could just take him to a place I like".
Where is the spine guys? Do you think I will get mad if you show some personality? If you show that you want something?
Do you want me to be your girlfriend and your mommy? Somebody there for you to not take responsability in your life? Be a baby again?
Grow up Goddamit, I am not going to be that one. Show me a guy that can stand up for himself and his opinions no matter what it takes!
And whats with the shallow comments? Do you think a pretty face takes you anywhere at all? Do you really think it makes a difference? Is so sad looking at the people bowing for beaty.
This is what animals do, showing of their pretty, shiny featers.
But I am not here to talk shit about animals, we have a lot to learn from them in many ways
But this spinelesness....I mean, like this guy I got to know here in Barcelona.
I was in his place and saw he had this little thing with a marijuana-leaf carved on it, so I asked him if he smoked. He instantly replied no. A few months lafter he told me that he actually did, after he had learned that so did I. And he said he had said no before because he didnt know what I liked and preferd at that time before.
I mean, seriously people? Arent you tired of hiding? Pretending to be what the others want you to be? Do you think I am looking for people to get to know that are exactly like myself? What kinda narsisist would do that?
This spinlessness makes me sick, Theres a lot of weaknessess that I can approve of and even think is good to feel, but this kind, I cant. Its so small and petty.
Hiding yourself because you think somebody else will not like you. Pretending to be like them. Do you think they like you then? They just like the one you are playing thats all.
And do you really think everybody must like you? Is it such a scary feeling that somebody might not?
Petty, petty, petty!
If you feel soemthing, why not tell it? What is so bad with honesty?
Damn you!!!!
I know I am silly to cast the first stone, silly and stupid. But right now I just want to be. And I dont want to understand why people are such cowards, as I see them right now
I am just mad and I had enough of it!!!!
Flying and such
One thing I can say is that I HATE flyig
I am not talking about flying with your own wings now, or any sort of realated flying, like daydreaming and such, whish I seem to be very prone to
I am speaking about aeroplanes
And especilally when its bad weather and the lights flicker or the plain starts to jump a lot
I seriously think a lot about death in aeroplnes
And not just that ...
- the air is awefull, the smell is horrid, the food tatse like carboard, and you are crammed up in your seat barely able to move
The feeling of bein trapped inside this little thing - you cannot go anywhere!
For me, Dantes hell would be summer-holiday compared to aeroplanes
My worst nigtmare would be to be stuck in a plain for more than a week. If they had me there longer than that I would slowly start to go insaine.
Its strange how you can love some forms of transportation and really loathe others
I am not talking about flying with your own wings now, or any sort of realated flying, like daydreaming and such, whish I seem to be very prone to
I am speaking about aeroplanes
And especilally when its bad weather and the lights flicker or the plain starts to jump a lot
I seriously think a lot about death in aeroplnes
And not just that ...
- the air is awefull, the smell is horrid, the food tatse like carboard, and you are crammed up in your seat barely able to move
The feeling of bein trapped inside this little thing - you cannot go anywhere!
For me, Dantes hell would be summer-holiday compared to aeroplanes
My worst nigtmare would be to be stuck in a plain for more than a week. If they had me there longer than that I would slowly start to go insaine.
Its strange how you can love some forms of transportation and really loathe others
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Dieing?
Friday the 10 of February this ye old girl turn 28
Oh, my- time passes waaaay to fast
Is it now I have to start popping out babies, houses, golden retrievers,
common bliss and husbands and stuff?
Or, is that when I turn thirty maybe, ha ha
No, seriously, time passes to quickly
I will soon be dead if it keeps up this speed
Better hurry up and have fun before that happens
I am going to Malaga as a long weekend-trip, so
I might very well die in a plain-crash
If I do, do read this post in my funeral, it will seem very funny and sadly ironic
*smiles*
xxx
Aasa
Monday, February 06, 2006
I just really liked this
no growt without assistance
no action without reaction
no desire without restraint
give yourself up and find yourself again
Tagible things have no permanence
there is nothing we can hold onto in this world
let go and posess what is real
no action without reaction
no desire without restraint
give yourself up and find yourself again
Tagible things have no permanence
there is nothing we can hold onto in this world
let go and posess what is real
Thursday, February 02, 2006
The high flyer
This is taken from the book "The wounded woman" by Linda Scierse Leonard
The one who flies high is an other puella/ puer* pattren. This person lives by impulse, is free as the wind is exuberant. She/he seems to be spontaneous and free, leading a wild and exciting life, going with the whim of the moment and with whatever is happening. Soaring away, she/he lives in the realm of possabilities. The lifestyle tends to be ethereal as well, magically appearing and disapearing, like a cloud that forms for a moment and disapears.
Timeless and "spacy" this puella/puer usually has a poor relationship to boundries, to limits, to the practical order, to the corporal realm, and to time. Her/his life is largely undirected and open to the syncronious. Such persons are often intuitive, with artistic or mystical tendencies, living easily in imagination and close to the unconscious and archetypal realms.
They share this in common with the shy and fragile puellas/puers, but unlike the shy ones they are not fearful and retiering, nor are they hidden from the world. Rather, they are up there adventourously floating along in rarefied air, often seeking the thrills of danger.
Anais Nin, herself a puers* daughter, has described beautifully this type of excistence in her novel "A spy in the house of love". As the title implies, the main character, Sabina, lives the life of a spy. Uncommited and deceitful in relationships, she must live like a a spy to be free to move on at any time and is constantly on guard against revealing herself and thus exposing her various deceptions. Like a kaleidoscope, she changes personalities and stories with the rapidity of one obsessed.
Sabina cannot bear the exigencies of ordinary, daily life and rebels against them. Life´s limitatins and resting points are to Sabina like a prison. Boundaries, identifications, houses, any sort of commitment - all these she feels mold her into a static place without any hope of change. She describes herself: "I want the impossible, I want to fly all the time, I destroy ordinary life, I run towards all the danger of love..."
The moon and not the sun is Sabina´s special lighting source and her special planet. The night world and the unconscious are her domain. At sixteen she took moonbaths because everyone else too sunbaths and because she had heard they were dangerous. Like the moon, which keeps half of itself in darkness, so does she, living many mysterious lives and loves and eluding clocktime by her dream-like extension into the infinite. Activated by the moonrays, Sabina imagines she knows the moonlife which is "homless, childless, free lovers." It is to this ideal that she is drawn.
Sabina realizes that it is her father is "walking within her, directing her steps" in the feminine form of his Don Juan existence.
She questions herself:
"Was it Sabina now rushing into her own rituals of pleasure, or was it her father within her, his blood guiding her into amourousness, dictating her intrigues, he who was inexorably woven with her by threads of inheritance she could never seperate again to know which one was Sabina, which one her father whose role she had assumed by alchemy of mimetic love. Where was Sabina?"
This question "Where is Sabina?" obtrudes more and more into her consciousness. Guilt, shame and anxiety are not so different from those of an addict or a gambler; i.e.; the same compulsion and irresistible impulse and then the same depression, and guilt which follow and then once more the compulsion.
Sabina´s addiction is love, but the need effect is the same. She feels the dispersion, the desperation, the weakness at the center. She looks at the sky arched overhead and realizes that for her it offers no cathedral protection, only a "limitless vatsness to which she could not cling" Sabina weeps and asks to be held so she will not continue to race from the one love to another, so she will not continue to be dispersed and disrupted.
In desperation during the deep of night, she makses an anonymous call to a stranger, seeking help. The man who answers is a lie detector, symbolizing Sabina´s inner possability to detect her own self-deception and achieve a higher level of consciousness and responsability. The lie detector confronts her, asking her what she wants to confess and telling her that she is probably her own most severe judge. Sabina asks the lie detector to set her free from the guilt she suffers, a guilt and imprisonment which is paradoxically born of the limitless freedom she has sought. But he tells her that only she can set herself free and that will only come when she is able to love. When she tries to justify that she has loved by mentioning her many lovers, he points out that she was only in love with her projections, e.g., the crusaders who faught her battles, the handsome Don Juan princes, the judges continuing her parents´ role. Rather than relating to them as individuals and seeing them as they were in reality, she dressed them in costumes of the various myths she wanted to live out, who she wanted to see.
For Sabina the change can come only with the tears of acknowligment for her deception of her self and others. Up to now she has been trying to elude her guilt and find self-justification for her lack of commitment and recognition of limitations. To recognize that continuety exists in the tension between movement and permanence is something she needs to learn.
The difficulty for this type of puella is that she tries to live totally in possability and ignores the limitations and realities of others and herself. But what she needs to do is accept the boundries and commit herself to something. Accepting the paradox of finitude and possability is her way of resolution.
*different patterns of dealing with pain by women/ men, resulting in a sertain way of behavour.
The one who flies high is an other puella/ puer* pattren. This person lives by impulse, is free as the wind is exuberant. She/he seems to be spontaneous and free, leading a wild and exciting life, going with the whim of the moment and with whatever is happening. Soaring away, she/he lives in the realm of possabilities. The lifestyle tends to be ethereal as well, magically appearing and disapearing, like a cloud that forms for a moment and disapears.
Timeless and "spacy" this puella/puer usually has a poor relationship to boundries, to limits, to the practical order, to the corporal realm, and to time. Her/his life is largely undirected and open to the syncronious. Such persons are often intuitive, with artistic or mystical tendencies, living easily in imagination and close to the unconscious and archetypal realms.
They share this in common with the shy and fragile puellas/puers, but unlike the shy ones they are not fearful and retiering, nor are they hidden from the world. Rather, they are up there adventourously floating along in rarefied air, often seeking the thrills of danger.
Anais Nin, herself a puers* daughter, has described beautifully this type of excistence in her novel "A spy in the house of love". As the title implies, the main character, Sabina, lives the life of a spy. Uncommited and deceitful in relationships, she must live like a a spy to be free to move on at any time and is constantly on guard against revealing herself and thus exposing her various deceptions. Like a kaleidoscope, she changes personalities and stories with the rapidity of one obsessed.
Sabina cannot bear the exigencies of ordinary, daily life and rebels against them. Life´s limitatins and resting points are to Sabina like a prison. Boundaries, identifications, houses, any sort of commitment - all these she feels mold her into a static place without any hope of change. She describes herself: "I want the impossible, I want to fly all the time, I destroy ordinary life, I run towards all the danger of love..."
The moon and not the sun is Sabina´s special lighting source and her special planet. The night world and the unconscious are her domain. At sixteen she took moonbaths because everyone else too sunbaths and because she had heard they were dangerous. Like the moon, which keeps half of itself in darkness, so does she, living many mysterious lives and loves and eluding clocktime by her dream-like extension into the infinite. Activated by the moonrays, Sabina imagines she knows the moonlife which is "homless, childless, free lovers." It is to this ideal that she is drawn.
Sabina realizes that it is her father is "walking within her, directing her steps" in the feminine form of his Don Juan existence.
She questions herself:
"Was it Sabina now rushing into her own rituals of pleasure, or was it her father within her, his blood guiding her into amourousness, dictating her intrigues, he who was inexorably woven with her by threads of inheritance she could never seperate again to know which one was Sabina, which one her father whose role she had assumed by alchemy of mimetic love. Where was Sabina?"
This question "Where is Sabina?" obtrudes more and more into her consciousness. Guilt, shame and anxiety are not so different from those of an addict or a gambler; i.e.; the same compulsion and irresistible impulse and then the same depression, and guilt which follow and then once more the compulsion.
Sabina´s addiction is love, but the need effect is the same. She feels the dispersion, the desperation, the weakness at the center. She looks at the sky arched overhead and realizes that for her it offers no cathedral protection, only a "limitless vatsness to which she could not cling" Sabina weeps and asks to be held so she will not continue to race from the one love to another, so she will not continue to be dispersed and disrupted.
In desperation during the deep of night, she makses an anonymous call to a stranger, seeking help. The man who answers is a lie detector, symbolizing Sabina´s inner possability to detect her own self-deception and achieve a higher level of consciousness and responsability. The lie detector confronts her, asking her what she wants to confess and telling her that she is probably her own most severe judge. Sabina asks the lie detector to set her free from the guilt she suffers, a guilt and imprisonment which is paradoxically born of the limitless freedom she has sought. But he tells her that only she can set herself free and that will only come when she is able to love. When she tries to justify that she has loved by mentioning her many lovers, he points out that she was only in love with her projections, e.g., the crusaders who faught her battles, the handsome Don Juan princes, the judges continuing her parents´ role. Rather than relating to them as individuals and seeing them as they were in reality, she dressed them in costumes of the various myths she wanted to live out, who she wanted to see.
For Sabina the change can come only with the tears of acknowligment for her deception of her self and others. Up to now she has been trying to elude her guilt and find self-justification for her lack of commitment and recognition of limitations. To recognize that continuety exists in the tension between movement and permanence is something she needs to learn.
The difficulty for this type of puella is that she tries to live totally in possability and ignores the limitations and realities of others and herself. But what she needs to do is accept the boundries and commit herself to something. Accepting the paradox of finitude and possability is her way of resolution.
*different patterns of dealing with pain by women/ men, resulting in a sertain way of behavour.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
NASA's top climate scientist says the Bush administration tried to stop him from talking about emissions linked to global warming.
Read more about this
Read more about this
Friday, January 27, 2006
Kids
I miss the kids from the kindergartenI miss them so much
Kids are wonderful.
They are always open
They can be brutal and direct, but always open, they dont hide
If they dont like you, you are sure to know
And the other way around as well
I think that is great
Its a relief to be around people who are like that
Just true to their nature
Like miniature hippies, ha ha
This is a photo of me and a girl in the kindergarten playing hide and seek, where I just found her, he he.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
I seem to like to quote songs a lot in this blog, even though I find it somewhat cheesy
Sometimes it is just easier to say what you want to say through somebody elses words
BIRD ON A WIRE
Like a bird on the wire,
Like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free.
Like a baby, stillborn,
Like a beast with his horn
I have torn everyone who reached out for me.
I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch,
He said to me, you must not ask for so much.
And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door,
She cried to me, hey, why not ask for more?
Oh like a bird on the wire,
Like a drunk in a midnight choirhave tried in my way to be free.
Sometimes it is just easier to say what you want to say through somebody elses words
BIRD ON A WIRE
Like a bird on the wire,
Like a drunk in a midnight choir
I have tried in my way to be free.
Like a baby, stillborn,
Like a beast with his horn
I have torn everyone who reached out for me.
I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch,
He said to me, you must not ask for so much.
And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door,
She cried to me, hey, why not ask for more?
Oh like a bird on the wire,
Like a drunk in a midnight choirhave tried in my way to be free.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Eyolf The Dragon
It has been a long time since I told you all anything about the purple-spotted dragon under my bedI have managed to find out that his name si Eyolf
He also likes Yoghurt with Pinapple-taste
(He eats the ones I put on the floor, even the package around them, but he has never touched the strawberry-flavoured ones)
Thats all for now
I will tell you more if I find out more
To learn to let go
Is one of the hardest things
I have learned in life
Sometimes you must let go of a dream
sometimes a wish or a longing
sometimes a person
but sometimes letting go of a person means letting go of all these things
Somebody once said to me
I expect nothing and ask for nothing, so I will never be disapoited
I will never do this. I will hope and dream, and wish and long.
I will let my heart be open and not close it because I am scared to be disapointed
And I will take risks - saying I care, even though the other person seems cold and doesnt answer
I cannot close myself for life!
But God, it hurts
And I just wish it all back, though what I am doing is saying goodbye
I dont know what else to do right now
Maybe time will make it clearer
The Chinese sign for letting go or release
Is one of the hardest things
I have learned in life
Sometimes you must let go of a dream
sometimes a wish or a longing
sometimes a person
but sometimes letting go of a person means letting go of all these things
Somebody once said to me
I expect nothing and ask for nothing, so I will never be disapoited
I will never do this. I will hope and dream, and wish and long.
I will let my heart be open and not close it because I am scared to be disapointed
And I will take risks - saying I care, even though the other person seems cold and doesnt answer
I cannot close myself for life!
But God, it hurts
And I just wish it all back, though what I am doing is saying goodbye
I dont know what else to do right now
Maybe time will make it clearer
The Chinese sign for letting go or release
Med Kroppen mot jorden
With my body against the earth
Looking into the endless sky
I am beyond thoughts and words
There is nothing I have to understand
except that my body is heavy against the ground
that the sky is blue
I am happy and strong
With my body against the earth
there is nothng I have to understand
Looking into the endless sky
I am beyond thoughts and words
There is nothing I have to understand
except that my body is heavy against the ground
that the sky is blue
I am happy and strong
With my body against the earth
there is nothng I have to understand
Med kroppen mot jordenoch blicken i det eviga blå
är jag bortom tankarna och orden
där finns inget jag måste förstå
utom att kroppen är tung mot vår mark
att himlen är blå
och jag är lycklig och stark
med kroppen och jorden
finns det inget jag måste förstå
Lyrics by Lisa Ekdahl
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Friday, January 20, 2006
Cucumbers
After spesific requests I am now going to talk about a subject I know you all have been waiting for me to treat...
I have been notified that our dearest Caru has a cucumber in his windowpost, also that this very cucumber has been lyingin this place for over three days.
On this occation I will take the opportunity to talk a little about cucumbers, while also keeping my references to this very same above mentioned object of the specimen.
The recent years it has been a lot of chages in the cucumbermarket. This varies from country to country depending on their membership in the now so well known European Union.
As an example I want to put an emphasis on Norway.
Norways has never, and will probably not for *Hopefully* a long time be a meber of this very union.
because..... and this is a terrifying fact my friends, if Norway got to be a member of this dreaded Union, it will have terrifying concequeces.
One of the consequences will be that small farmers in Norway will be unable to keep up competition, and probably will *have to pack up* as we say it in good old English.
And other will most likely be increased pollution, as the European Union has other standars for cleansing and a higher emphasis on prodution and economy.
An other result might be genemanipulated food, that will be allowed in the market. Now Norway has strict restrictions against this.
But worst off all, and I must say my pen is trembling while writing this, the cucumber would drastic change the appearance.
As we speak Nowegain cucumbers are shaped strangely. The bend and form in very direction they want. They look like natures little wonders, twisting and curling as you try to cut them up in your salad for dinner.
But if Norway enter as a member of the Eropean Union, we will all find one day, that our lives will not be as twisted and curled as it used to be.
We will all end up as Carus cucumber in the windowpost.
Strictly right, perfectly bended as all the other cucumbers have to be.
And left there for three days just to be put in a Greek salad in the end
The End
PS. There is a lot more to say about cucumbers, but as I now am in school, I think I should try and stick to business, which at the very mooment is photography.
If you want me to talk more about this very interesting and alluring subject, please notify me
I have been notified that our dearest Caru has a cucumber in his windowpost, also that this very cucumber has been lyingin this place for over three days.
On this occation I will take the opportunity to talk a little about cucumbers, while also keeping my references to this very same above mentioned object of the specimen.
The recent years it has been a lot of chages in the cucumbermarket. This varies from country to country depending on their membership in the now so well known European Union.
As an example I want to put an emphasis on Norway.
Norways has never, and will probably not for *Hopefully* a long time be a meber of this very union.
because..... and this is a terrifying fact my friends, if Norway got to be a member of this dreaded Union, it will have terrifying concequeces.
One of the consequences will be that small farmers in Norway will be unable to keep up competition, and probably will *have to pack up* as we say it in good old English.
And other will most likely be increased pollution, as the European Union has other standars for cleansing and a higher emphasis on prodution and economy.
An other result might be genemanipulated food, that will be allowed in the market. Now Norway has strict restrictions against this.
But worst off all, and I must say my pen is trembling while writing this, the cucumber would drastic change the appearance.
As we speak Nowegain cucumbers are shaped strangely. The bend and form in very direction they want. They look like natures little wonders, twisting and curling as you try to cut them up in your salad for dinner.
But if Norway enter as a member of the Eropean Union, we will all find one day, that our lives will not be as twisted and curled as it used to be.
We will all end up as Carus cucumber in the windowpost.
Strictly right, perfectly bended as all the other cucumbers have to be.
And left there for three days just to be put in a Greek salad in the end
The End
PS. There is a lot more to say about cucumbers, but as I now am in school, I think I should try and stick to business, which at the very mooment is photography.
If you want me to talk more about this very interesting and alluring subject, please notify me
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