Freedom and "reality"

I wish, I wish.
I wish I was free, free from all pressure of life. And at the same time I wish I belonged somewhere. That I had somewhere that felt "home". Somewhere I wanted to return too, somewhere I felt safe, but nowhere is like that.

I just feel like all the things that used to drive me along and through life has lost their importance - suddenly life seems like a sherade where everybody is "playing a game" and we are reactions to oneanother.
We look like we are forzed into reactions that are predestined by our human nature. This is not freedom, this is a prison.
I don't want to be part of such a world, I want to belong to something pure and free.

Are the Buddhists really right? In times like these I feel they are - life feels like suffering and being placed in a prison that we call "your own perceptions" , forzed to go on by the illusion we call "ego".
Where am I in all this? And do "I" really exsist? Or am I a sum of reactions, environment and genes. Where in all this is ME? Is there such a thing as an essence? A soul?

I wish I could understand.......
I wish I could understand this empty feeling inside.
I miss you - you who I never have met, or maybe I met you, but just didn't realize.

I wish I had a meaning behind it all - something to fight for, something to live and die for, something to keep me going. Something higher than myself.
I wish I knew what we are doing here, I wish I understood our existance.

I long so much, but I don't know what for? I miss something, but I don't know what it is, and I am crying, but I don't know why.