What we seek is always inside ourselves. What we want from the outside are twisted reflections of our own mind and feelings we carry that we consciously don't know about. This is the way to get to know them. Look at what we want from others, or what we make them feel.
If we stand still and don't try to catch those "illusions" we never get to know for sure what they are about. And we can learn about ourselves what we seek and project to the world and on or loved ones. Do you often feel rejected? Or do you often make your loved ones feel rejected? So you are creating rejection in one way or another. Why? Where does your own inner rejection come from? Old thoughts learned from parents or society? Learn from what gives you pain, anger and sorrows, instead of casting it away. To listen to your inner "voices" is to grow as a person and become wiser every day.
An other though - there is also a natural flux in our mind and subconsciousness. A drive that moves us in ebb and flow. Processes always moving from inward to outward, from alone to together. Like night and day. Day is outward and night is inward. If youth was summer and elderliness was winter ... then we could say by silogism that as we get old our inward processes get longer and our outward processes get shorter.
So, to be with somebody and to love them is to learn these things:
To learn about yourself, and your deeper unconscious feelings. To grow and be thought by them and through this also to learn about an other person. To in the end see through your own projections and see the other as they really are. that is when you come to love somebody for real. And then. to flow the natural flux of life, the aloneness and the togetherness. The solitude and the uniting. This is, to me, what creates true, mature love, if we are able to do it.
now here is the last perspective, and I think al together they blend and make a whole image of our human existence. The first is the physical. The second the biological. The third is the spiritual. In some ways, they can seem to be contradicting each other, but they are really completing each other. The spiral part is to go beyond the human personality and find the inner silence and the core of your being. In this way you can move beyond conflict and address others with love and acceptance - what the centre o your being is truly made of. Here is an e-book from an author who has inspired me very much on the spiritual realm. Enjoy!
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