The restless wind

What is this restless wind inside me that doesnt want to settle down?
What is this urge that never wants to stay just alwasy wants to move on
and on, and on, and on
To the next thrill
The next experience
The next strong feeling
All my life this was good, it was fun, it made me happy . I felt it was my purpose, my meening. I found fullfilment in enjoying and that was all that was needed.

Suddenly its not enough anymore
I feel trapped in it
Now I want to stay, I want to make something of my life, commit to something, have a ground to stand on! I have never even wanted this before! EVER! No strings should tie me down!
But I cant stay! I really cant! Everything in my says, leave for an other place now, go on, find something new. GO!
But I am so tired. Tired of the running. I want to stay
But I CANT!!!! I feel like I am dieing if I stay. Seriously, its lke dieing. Its like getting a little drop of poinson every day to stay in the same place!
I want to go and I want to stay!
I am trapping myself!!!