- Can´t sleep...I´m sitting in the night reading poetry and thinking - about everything and nothing....There is something special about the summer-night, it has a mystic atmosphere and blue stillness. When the city is empty, the streets has their very own beauty. I nearly like it better than in daytime. The sound of silence is wrapped around every corner.
I started to think about solitude. When I peel off every layer in my conciousness, at least as far down as I can manage to go, this is often what I am left with. The stillness, the solitude. It is not a very sad feeling, at least not anymore. It is like I have made some peace with my own solitude. And now, sitting here in the night it is almost beautiful in a way.
The feeling of not belonging anywhere. I wonder what it has its roots in? Is it just a feeling rooted in my psyche that needs inner transformation? Or it is just how it is....On the bottom of us all? A rooted feeling of solitude that we now and then dare to feel....in moments of existential bravery.
I don´t know, I just know the feeling of not fitting in. And going through the different stages of that feeling- from pride, to despair, to resignment. "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." (~Jiddu Krishnamurti).....I guess quotes like this can make you smile a little in it all. Things are not black or white and there are many answers.
I know it would be nice maybe sharing these things with somebody though. I guess this is why I write them in my blog. A way of talking to the nameless people out there that maybe feels the same way. I have tried to talk about things like these with people around me so many times, but find little understanding. Now I talk to my own words and the silent readers of my blog instead.
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