Longing and eternity

The following passage is from Smilla's sense of Snow, a 1992 novel by Danish author Peter Høeg. A strange mystery that involves a child's murder and an eeriey trip to Greenland. The book is also made into a film, casting Julia Ormond

Do you know what the foundation of mathematics is? ... The foundation of mathematics is numbers. If anyone asked me what makes me truly happy, I would say: numbers. Snow and ice and numbers. And do you know why?
Because the number system is like human life. First you have the natural numbers. The ones that are whole and positive. The numbers of a small child. But human consciousness expands. The child discovers a sense of longing, and do you know what the mathematical expression is for longing?

The negative numbers. The formalization of the feeling that you are missing something. And human consciousness expands and grows even more, and the child discovers the in-between spaces. Between stones, between pieces of moss on the stones, between people. And between numbers. And do you know what that leads to? It leads to fractions. Whole numbers plus fractions produce rational numbers. And human consciousness doesn't stop there. It wants to go beyond reason. It adds an operation as absurd as the extraction of roots. And produces irrational numbers.

It's a form of madness. Because the irrational numbers are infinite. They can't be written down. They force human consciousness out beyond the limits. And by adding irrational numbers to rational numbers, you get real numbers.

Because now, on the spot, we expand the real numbers with imaginary square roots of negative numbers. These are the numbers we can't picture, numbers that normal human consciousness cannot comprehend. And when we add the imaginary numbers to the real numbers, we have the complex number system. The first number system in which it's possible to explain satisfactorily the crystal formation of ice. It's like a vast, open landscape. The horizons. You head towards them and they keep receding.

Click here for a film clip of the mathematics scene.

Why do we ration love? (A re-post)Aren't we humans strange? We hold back our love, cling to it, like it is something that should not be given easily. We put limits to our love. I cannot give it to you, not you either, maaaybe you, I will see if you are worthy. You are not funny enough, not smart enough, not handsome enough. Not enough like me.We keep this gift to ourselves and give it out in small dozes.
 
This society is so loveless, so drained for emotion and affection., Its a lot easier to be skeptic, to be ironic or judgmental. Its a lot easier to not say Hi to your neighbor, or to not openly tell people what you really feel, at least not before they do. We need to have our egos secure first. Not to be hurt or vounded. It can seem that the imageothers have of us is more important to us. We cannot seem like the weak or rejected one. That the fear of hurt is worse than not sharing, we cannot take the risk and be let down.

Does somebody really need to deserve love? Is it just of us to set a standard for who we can and cant love? The one who makes me feel exactly like this and this, I can love. The one that doesn't like me I don't like back. Are we just footballs for emotions? Getting kicked in the direction the foot leads it? Did Jesus have a point saying we should turn the other cheek?

Isn't love just something to share? Why do we build up these walls?In these western societies people live alone next to each other. We are lonely in a crowd of longing people. Fear is created. One person is afraid to give, because of old vounds, and then this person gets back what he sends out. Rejection creates rejection. We flip flop back and forth what we deeply do not want, in the fear that we will get just that. So instead of taking a risk we walk alone with our tiny group of selected people. And do we give our love truly to them? Or do we set conditions for it there as well?

Do you know somebody you care for that maybe needs to hear it?
Do you know somebody that is lonely?
Maybe you can be an exception to all this!?
~ Choose love!

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From the book The PROPHET, by Kahlil Gibran:

On Love
Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."

And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:

When love beckons to you follow him,

Though his ways are hard and steep.

And when his wings enfold you yield to him,

Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,

Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,

So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.

He threshes you to make you naked.

He sifts you to free you from your husks.

He grinds you to whiteness.

He kneads you until you are pliant;

And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,

Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,

Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;

For love is sufficient unto love.

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

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Read other chapters in this book

The battle within

A re-post

Reason- You have ruled long enough now. Finally I have something to say in here too

ID/heart- yes, so I see, and I find it really boring, and you know very well that I still have the strongest rule of us two
reason- Yes, and it makes me sad, SHE is going nowhere as long as she is just listening to you. You are just a life of illusions and dreams

ID- Ha ha ha, yes, but it sure is fun

Reason- Life isn´t just fun, it cant be just fun. Sometimes you must do things that are not fun too

ID- Blah blah blah, so I have heard you speak a million times. Its bullshit. You sound like my mother. Life can be just fun! Its what you make of it. And I am not going to waste it letting it be boring. Then I will juts go somewhere else where the fun is

Reason- I know you will, and this is what stops you from growing. This is what keeps you a child, unable to deal with the world, unable to be responsible

ID- You got it babe, I don´t want to be responsible. And whats wrong with being a child? They have more fun and are more open to the world, they are more real!!!

Reason- You are not being real in that sense. If you had some grounding and foundations to your thoughts it would be wonderful. But you are just soaring around like a boat without oars, led by wherever the current is taking you. If you could integrate that playfulness of yours with responsibility you would grown up in the real sense. You would be a wise child in the world, not a just an unconscious one - not just a child clinging to its own illusions

ID- mmmm. So what? I don´t want all that. Its too boring. And I really cant take boring, it frustrates me, I need action! "Responsibility", just the word spells out b-o-r-i-n-g! I want things the be easy and fun. I can play forever!

Reason- Well, then do that. But you will always stay the same and you will not change. Also you will be deeply alone, cause there are no real relationships or friendships in that way. Just satisfaction in the moment. No strings, no commitment, just fun and pleasure. You think your loved ones are really loved ones, but you really don´t see them, cause the are just there for your needs and for the moment. You will have people beside you yes, but you will still be alone, cause you are not sacrificing anything, not really.

ID-I know.. Its always been like that

Reason- Because you don´t want to have responsibility. Because you want to stay a child. Because you just want to play. Because if somebody makes you feel obligated in a way, you get scared. You feel like you can only do the things you want to do, this is pure egoism. This is imprisoning yourself. You think it is freedom and being real, but its not. Its the pure opposite.
Things can´t always be fun, people can´t be totally free in the way you see it, cause its an imposed freedom that forces you to not have any strings. Don´t you see the paradox. You are not free, you are ruled by your own rules of having no rules.

ID-I know, now you make me sad

Reason- pffft, you just want to feel sorry for yourself now. Its another way of being a child and not taking responsibility for yourself. Be responsible for your own life. Take it in your hands!
I know it is a huge thing to do. I know it is scary. It is the greatest responsibility of them all. To see that you can do anything in your life. You can choose happiness, you can choose running.
You choose what you make of this great gift you have been given called life.

Choose it now!

Don´t blame the world or other people for things not being right! Look at yourself if things arent right and do soething about it. It is your choice. See it now! Stop the hiding. It is time!

ID- I will try. I am trying

Reason- Dont try! DO IT!

Smart post title

Hmmmmmmm
Blah blah blah
Some silly words
A picture or drawing for illustration
some more blah blah

A little more blah
some interesting words
more interesting sentences (maybe some that will make you think a littel extra)

some words trying to be insightful
or trying to understand something
more blah blah
Some quotes or references to a philosopher or psychologist / other
blah blah

some wishes and positive salutations to the people reading this blog and the people I know
...
more positive stuff
...
something to inspire you and make you feel good

a PS
a little extra blah blah
...

a hug or something similar

xxx
My name

The dance of the vounded souls

A re-post from 2006, for new readers to enjoy
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He was...
a painful sweet taste, a sudden brush of a dreaming wind,
a sight behind shimmering eyelids, and a rush of soft smells to her senses.

He was a flickering picture, water running through her mind.
A thought she yearned to posses, but never wanted to own, never

He was a touch, a distant color yet to be seen, an unopened dream,
a wish, a longing, a desire
to strong to ever be fulfilled.

He was too much,
too far away in her mind
from himself
from her
and she knew it.....again



Love Addiction consists of two components:
Romance and / or Sexual Addiction.

Love addiction is a condition common for many adults that once were abandoned children, emotionally or physically abandoned. It might spread from dependency on only romance or sex, to a mix of both components. What was common for these children was the suffering of not feeling deeply loved and accepted in a healthy way, with a support to reach individuality, strength and selflove from the parent/s. Maybe the parents needed them to much (codependency) or never really saw them. Oftentimes these parents never got the love and support in childhood they needed either, so they didn´t have the foundation to take learning from on how to it to pass it on to their own children. This is no matter how much they even wanted to, or in their own way might have loved their child.

Sex and love addicts often don´t realize their problem or seek help before in total crisis (divorce, painful emotional breakdowns etc) and some times not even then. Normally they will try to get out of crisis through controlling their pattern in their own way. Altering the behavior by being abstinent or trying a new pattern, getting an other form of addiction ect. This is just like the alcoholic swapping beer for wine and will never help anyone in the long run, because the underlying conditions for the addictions will still be there.
As the addicted think they derive some pleasure out of their pattern, they will very often cling to it as much as they can. The state of addiction involves a lot of denial of own feelings, so in the addicted state of mind the addict will likely not be aware of his/her own pattern. They will be tricked by their mind to believe they are perfectly in their right to behave as they do.
If you feel this might apply to you in any way at all, please keep on reading and keep an open mind. It might change your life.

Sex and love addiction can involve many different antics; it may be a strong desire to have sex, masturbate, watch porn. It might be an urge to flirt, have affairs / relations or just create romantic situations and connections. Or it might even be a pattern to fall into romantic situations that always leaves you feel hurt or vounded, always ending up in situations where love brings suffering to you. In one way or another, it involves romance, sex or love in a way that is not healthy for the person, even though they might think so in the stanges of intense pleasure.
All these things are normal for every human, but enters a non-healthy state when the person in fact cannot be without these attachments. (Or drastically goes totally abstinent in a way of trying to control it all) When being alone for a long period of time without these elements is difficult to a stronger degree, and brings up emotions as anxiety and the feeling of withdrawal pangs. Or the reverse - if every time you get involved with someone it also brings with it a lot of anxiety, stress and mixed emotions.
If a person has entered a later state of addiction, his/her behavior might start to get out of control and even to have negative impact on their life quality. Other tasks as work, health or important things that are essential to have a rich, fullworthy life, are set aside to give room for the addition. The addiction takes the main role of that persons life, and this spiral only increases with time. Being a sex and / or love addict means your desires for these things are significantly impinging on your life in a negative way. These feelings and behaviors cause a great deal of shame, hopelessness and confusion for the addict, but at the same time the drive and urge for them are also extremely strong. It creates a feeling of meaning and being alive, because they have not developed a truly healthy relatonship to the self and their own inner reality.
The addicts might often engage in distorted thinking, often rationalizing and justifying their behavior or blaming others for problems. They generally deny they have a problem and make excuses for their actions, which for them might seem perfectly healthy and good. This despite it being an unmanageable problem in the addict's life. The reason might be the that to realize the addiction involves a mayor life change that also threatens the identity that the addicted has built up for her/himself. And it also involves facing the difficult feelings of non-worth and pain that is disguised by the addiction. This becomes very difficut as it includes changing a habit that makes them feel safe and good. As long as they feel good, and get their addiction, they don´t want to change.
Change often comes just when they have reached rock bottom and suffering enters their life at a high level, because of their actions. So it might take might take years and years of addiction and abuse to enter that state of mind, where recovery is wanted.
Sexual addiction might also be associated with risk-taking. In addition to damaging the addict's relationships and interfering with his or her work and "normal" life, a sexual addiction also puts other people and themselves at risk for emotional or physical injury (not using protection during sexual intercourse etc)
These behaviors naturally makes it extremely difficult to work or engage in healthy personal relationships, and normally a love/sex addict has no real feeling of what a healthy relationship is actually based on. They have never gone to the depths or experienced real love and commitment. They were not really given it as a child, and they never learned it as adults. Their way were the made kinda of love, the perverted copy of it. For them love and intimicy is the intensity they feel in connecting with someone else. It is not built slowly up through time, but it coes as a sudden blow, a hit in the meeting with an other addict.

But the first step is facing the addiction, and in that way also starting the path to a healthy life, where loving relations both to the self and others are possible.

Signs and Characteristics of Sex and / or Love Addiction:

# Lack of nurturing and attention when young
# Feeling isolated, detached from parent/s and or family
# Compartmentalization of relationships from other areas of life
# Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at any cost
# Perceive attraction, attachment, and sex as basic human needs, on a par with food and water
# Insatiable appetite in area of difficulty (sex, love or attachment / need.)
# Inner (conscious/subconscious) rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
# Outer facade of "having it all together" to hide internal disintegration
# Mistake intensity for intimacy or love
# Hidden Pain
# Powerlessness over addictive sexual behavior.
# Resulting unmanageability of his/her life.
# Feelings of shame, pain, and self-loathing.
# Failed promises and attempts to stop acting out (seeking the stimuli of romance/sex).
# Preoccupation with sex leading to ritual.
# Tendency to leave one (sexual/romantic)relationship for another.(No real time alone)
# Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
# Sense of worthlessness without a relationship or partner/s
# Escalating tolerance for high-risk behavior
# Intense need to control self, others, circumstances
# Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems (food, alcohol etc)
# Using others, sex & relationships to alter mood or relieve emotional pain
# Continual questioning of values and lifestyle
# Confusion of sexual attraction with love ("Love" at first sight.)
# Tendency to trade sexual activity for "love" or attachment
# Existence of a secret "double life"
# Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
# Defining "wants" as "needs"
# Attempts to replace lost relationships/sexual encounters with new ones immediately

Many of these symptoms are also elements of codependency and intimacy dysfunctions resulting from childhood abandonment, emotional or sexual abuse. For this reason treatment and therapy for Love Addiction often includes trauma recovery work. Read what others have to say about love addiction.

Check yes or no to the self test presented on this page. A high number of yes would indicate romance/sex addiction. Remember that romance can be a delightful part of our love relationships and bring out the best in us. It is when we have become over-identified with this experience that it hurts a person.

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How is sexual/romantic addiction treated?

Most addicts live in denial of their addiction, and treating an addiction is dependent on the person accepting and admitting that he or she has a problem. In many cases, it takes a significant event—such as the loss of a job, the break-up of a marriage, an arrest, or health crisis—to force the addict to admit to his or her problem.

Support groups and 12 step recovery programs for people with addictions (like SLAA; Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) have been proven very helpful. This program is designed to help the individual come through a recovery process on his own, but at the same time through the support and knowledge of the group. The goal is to stop the self-destructive patterns and find a life that is grounded in healthy living and selflove.

Find an SLAA meeting in your city

SLAA litterature

The healing of sex/love addiction focuses on controlling the addictive behavior and helping the person develop a healthy sexuality, sense of relating and self. Treatment can also include education about healthy sexuality, individual counseling, and marital and/or family therapy.

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Just being

I want to make today's post about something I have thought a lot about through life. About our relation to the so called "negative" emotions we have.

All from childhood, we learn in this society, that some feelings are "negative". A natural cause from seeing something as negative, is trying to avoid or escape these things. Also we are taught that some feelings are positive - joy, happiness, and comfort. As a consequence, these are the feelings being socially accepted to express. Because of this, a lot of us also try to focus on these feelings - we don't want to be sad, we want to be happy.
Happiness is the ultimate feeling that we all are journeying towards - that we are taught is the ultimate goal. Society teaches it to us and the message is easy to pick up everywhere.
You might think that this is something you have decided yourself, because happiness feels good, and sadness not, but just take a moment here and dig a little deeper. Don't just throw it away with that thought before you have read what I have to say.

So, we are taught to strive for happiness**....and finally, in the western societies, it is what we all are searching for. Think about it....what you want to find in a new job, with money, with travels, with discovering yourself, with a partner, a new place to live, children. We are taught that we need satisfaction, and through satisfaction comes happiness, and "happiness is life".

The search for happiness is also found in different religious or philosophical movements.
What makes us happy and how can we find it?
Or the answers are already given to us through recipes of how to make us happy.
One angle is telling us that love is the only true and pure feeling. Love is what we should all fill ourself with, and love will take away hate and negativity.
Is it really that simple?
Is it really true that all you need is love?
Seeing things trough these glasses of reality, I realize that to me they look tinted on the outside, so I with them I will see the world colored, but not as it is.
Can we really set fixed values on feelings?

Now, I have always been a strong believer in the power of love and especially compassion, but does it really take us forward to surprise parts of our own natural instinct and feelings? I am not saying that if we get angry, we always have to express it. Sometimes I feel that being part of growing and getting emotionally mature is the ability to actually be able to contain your own feelings and feel them internally, without necessarily having to express them externally (but neither surpress them). To have room for your own sentiments inside yourself.

I can look at this strictly from an angle of experience....Let us say that you feel sadness. Is it uncomfortable? If it is, have you asked yourself WHY it is uncomfortable?
Is it the sadness in itself that really is uncomfortable and a "negative" feeling, or is it the frames you have created around it, that is making it so?
Maybe you think that I am taking this too far?
Maybe you think that you could not possibly have such power over feelings, but just take a minute and try to look at it, for real!
When you are sad, what is the focus you have?
Do you allow yourself to be sad?
Do you let it in without judgment?
Or do you fight it or try to find ways to be happy again?
Do you define it as a negative place state of mind, or are you comfortable just letting it exist?

Is it possible that the struggle AGAINST the sadness is what makes it uncomfortable as a feeling and not the sadness in itself?
I can honestly say that I have had times when I felt sad and at the same time perfectly good. Actually, the feeling of sadness was a state of mind I "enjoyed" in that moment.
Is it possible that your reactions and perceptions of this feelings is what is making it "negative" and uncomfortable?
Could the feeling in itself - "sadness", be just an altered state of mind, with no minus or plus labeled to it in reality. Just something different on an emotional scale, that changes.
isn't change a natural cause in nature? How can we just stay in one thing all the time?

If you look at nature - at anything in nature, it seems to have a built in strive for balance.
It can be found everywhere.
Just take your sight. (You can try this out.)
If you take something of a color (chose a strong, vibrant one, just to make the example clearer) and hold it about 30 cm from your face. Then hold your gaze at it for about one minute without blinking. Then, when you take away your stare from it, look directly at something white. What you instantly will see is the natural opposite color to the color you were looking at. Direct oppositions in color neutralizes each other and creates balance. You eye is producing a fake opposite to the color you were looking at. This is your eyes way of creating balance, as the rest of nature also does.
Nature strives for balance, so why should we struggle against it?
Emotions come in us like the tide of the water. If it goes up, it is natural that it must go down later. So why do we fight it?
If everything flows in a natural stream of balance, cant we just go with it?
Maybe we can look at our emotions and not see them as being good or bad...But maybe we can see them for just being.

If anybody disagrees or has a different point of view I would be very interested to hear it, so don't hesitate to make your comment against me.

~ Aasa

**read: happiness for the ego

Learning from the past.Just to remind myself to not walk backwards
~ Aasa

From the old Diary of Anaïs Wolf.
Dated 31/01/06

Oh my sweetheart - can you understand all this? I am not sure I can myself, but I am trying to.
I wanted it so much to be real, that I pretended. I didn't even see it before now.
I wanted it to be a fabulous romantic fairytale. I wanted to be crazy about you and to miss you deadly when you left. And I told myself that I did - without even searching inside myself to see if I was actually feeling what I said I was.

We both wanted this didn't we? So we tried to play our parts, you with your longing eyes and me with my words. Only reality was there in the background - grinning with broken teeth, telling us that it was just our needs doing an act. I guess I fooled myself longer than you did. I am glad you woke us both up now. I still miss the dream though - it was such a magic illusion.

We did have some fun though - and some good conversations back then. I think I liked you, but I dint know much right now, cause my pretend-feelings have all left me. The rest was castles and castles with wishes in a theatre, we didn't even know we were playing. We idolised each other at first, telling each other how wonderful we were, nearly in-human, to escape the fear of not feeling so, maybe? Feeling good, and worth wile for a while in each others eyes.

Do you see it? Now I do....finally. I never wanted to before. I was too caught up in my needs for dreams and passions.

What did I really feel for you beneath it all? I have no idea actually, no idea at all. I just feel empty when I try to look. I guess that's why I did cling to the act so long. Its not fun to find emptiness and aloneness where you wish to find care and passion.

Do you remember? - my theatrical answer when you said sorry for our short goodbye. It makes me laugh of myself now, when I see through it. I said - "sometimes Its easier with a quick goodbye." -Like we were a couple of lovers nearly dieing for each other, being ripped apart.
When the truth was - maybe it wasn't much at all. We didn't even know each other!

Dreams upon dreams upon wishes.....A wish to mean something - to feel something deeply - to have something - something bigger than yourself. The escape from always feeling alone. The escape of the truth...that I am human, and that in many ways we all are alone - accepting that that also can be a good thing. And that in the end, I will die. We tried to make each other in-human - larger than life. How sad to wake up and see the lie...but also - how wonderful!

But I truly believed it then. I didn't see that it was a pretend. I just wanted to feel something strong...anything! Even pain. I was scared that the truth was nothing - that is was empty. And in those moments anything is better than the emptiness, the nothing, the silence that lies behind. How long it took me to see the beauty of silence and reality instead - to realise just how much more reality can be. In a way I was mocking real life. Thinking it could never come up in worth to my own imagination.

Its like all of my life I have been searching for these strong feelings. - excitements, thrills, passions, even pain by seeking them up directly! But these things should come by themselves naturally, not because you just create them when you want them to be there.

We were seeking the deeper feelings right away - starting with passion, thinking it would take us there. But they come through time, and they come through goodness, not passion. Passion is just a plus on the way down. Something that comes through vulnerability and truth, not through illusions. Through seeing somebody how they really are - to dare let them be who they are! To dare to be yourself, not who you think they want you to be. To dare to let life come to you as it is - with the possibility of rejection and real pain. To dare being in stillness, in feelings that are more gentle, to dare being hurt - a scary thought isn´t it? But after coming out of the illusion - it sounds like the most wonderful though of all - REALITY!
We did it in reverse, didn´t we?

Maybe we can be friends, I don't know... I know we had fun, and that is something! And I know we have a lot in common. But the thing is, a lot of the stuff we have is common is the pain under it all. The feeling of maybe not having a deeper meaning, and the secret wish of somebody being that meaning or helping us find it. Nobody can be or do this for you but yourself. That is the hard lesson! We must take the responsibility for it our self, and that is so much harder than putting it on somebody else.

I thought there would be sadness behind all this. Maybe even fear or a pain. But its nothing, nothing at all....Just emptiness and silence. How much easier it is to handle the strong sensations? So very much...I guess that's why we did it.
Maybe we could have been something good, if we had gotten to know each other in a real way, who knows? It doesn´t matter anymore.

I see that I have been searching for somebody new to start this game with lately.
To again escape the emptiness and start the thrill of pretending to care

But I don't want to anymore
I don't want to
I must stop now
I will stop
It is time to be honest with myself if I meet somebody - and it is time to dare to REALLY be alone until I do
It is time to face that maybe I will never meet somebody who I can be with in truth. And accept that reality. To be complete - alone!
It is time to lead my own life, to take full responsibility - not just partly
It is time for acceptance
It is time to define myself from within, not from outer gratification
It is time to be in the emptiness that I dread, to seek the silence, to find my own answers...
It is time for something real

Our approach to life and what it can do to us
Internal locus of control.
Just a few thoughts.

"The mind that turns ever outward
Will have no end to craving.
Only the mind turned inward
will find a still-point of peace."
~ From the Tao Te Ching

Take Free Locus of Control Test

This is a matter of perspective and where you put yourself in relation to the people surrounding you and what happens in your life. A person with internal locus of control feel responsible for their overall position in life. It is a person who will not say things like "I failed my exam because it was hard" or "because the professor hates me". Instead they simply ask themselves - "what was done wrong this time in order to cause thit result? And "how can i prevent this from happening the next time?"

They will never say "I didn't find work because of the high unemployment in the country i live in", but instead they think of what more can be done to get them a better chance. To sum it up, these people do not ignore external life conditions, but they never hang the responsibility of their failure upon them, they never play the victim's role , they know that there is always something that can be done. (And if it is not, they fully accept it and move on, instead of identifying with the situation)

The opposite way of dealing - external locus of control, is the person who feels that things outside themselves move against them. In other words, they play the victim´s role, partly because they don't have any other explanation. They may hang their problems on god's will, bad economy, lack of luck or anything else, the common factor in the resonnement is that the reasons are outer and not internal. The person might be conciously unaware of this, but they take no own responsability for their life by this passive approach.

Making these things concious is the first thing one can do to change this approach to life, if you want to change it. And by becoming more aware of your own role and approach, you will also find that you overall will feel a lot more powerfull, happy and strong (Belive me - taking out of personal experience here)
If you feel that you have external locus of control, maybe it's the time to change some of the fake beliefs that caused you to have such a way of thinking? Be brave and look at yourself with brutal honesty.
~ Aasa

In the 60s Psychologist Julian Rotter developed a theory called Locus of Control of Reinforcement. His theory centered around whether someone thinks their life is more influenced by external factors like fate, genetics, luck, environment (external locus of control) OR by internal factors like effort, tenacity, and free will (internal locus of control).

Your results suggests you strongly believe that internal factors like drive and free will define you whereas external factors like genetics, fate, luck, and environment have little or no effect.

Locus of Control Test Results

Internal Locus (81%) Individual believes that their life is defined more by their decisions and internal drive. External Locus (19%) Individual believes that their life is defined more by genetics, environment, fate, or other external factors.

Take Free Locus of Control Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Redefining emotions

I found this online, and I think it is a good method. It is also a known technique in classic psychology, only the approach is somewhat different. For me it did a lot, so I want to share it with those who read my blog.

"In order to be brave you must first start by being afraid
for true courage lies in the overcoming of fear
not in its absence"

~ Aasa

Learn to feel your emotions fully and not resist them
Allow your emotions to flow, even the painful ones

1 Accept full responsibility for your emotion
No matter who or what you think caused your emotion
You take full responsibility now

2 Name your emotions
Giving your emotion a name increases clarity, awareness and consciousness
Don't just say you feel sad bad or mad
Expand your emotional knowledge until you can positively identify the feeling of violation, disappointments, anxiety, shame, embarrassments and much more

3 Let go of the story
The story is whatever outside yourself that you think caused your emotion
Literally see the story being cut off from your emotion and fading away
Let go of the story and keep the emotion that you created which now has a name

4 Accept the emotion
This means not judging it . Good or bad
Accept the emotion in a spirit of gratitude and learning
This is necessary to do the next step properly

5 Feel the emotion
With no judging or resistance
Simply feel the emotion
Notice where in your body you experience the emotion
Raise your consciousness as you become a witness - observe your emotion

What you resist will persist
and allowing the emotion in this way is the very opposite of resistance

6 Ask for clarityIn a spirit of learning and willingness to grow
Ask for insight as for the reason to the emotion
Don't go back to the story - the cause of the emotion is you and nothing outside yourself
Ask, what do I need to learn from this emotion?
Also ask, what ineffective belief do I own that has created this emotion?

7 Identify the belief
Create a space for the answer to come (it will come)
At the root of nearly every painful emotion is an ineffective belief
You may believe that you must make everyone happy
You may believe that you cant be loved if you are not perfect
You may believe that you are simply not worth it

8 Replace the belief
Once you have identified the belief, choose to replace it with a more effective belief
Literally say to yourself:
I now choose to reject this (ineffective belief) and adopt this (empowering belief) in its place

Love

- A repost from 2007

I started to think about my last post a lot.
I have always been in the opinion that an emptiness inside comes from not loving oneself completely and that the only solution is acceptance and love towards oneself. (it cannot be filled up from the outside)
I am still in that opinion but I think I forgot some very simple things in that conclution.
(I know this is also me starting to (over-) analyze things again, but I have been in that habit for more that over 15 years so what can I say, ha ha)
I forgot the simple fact that we are social creatures who I think have are naturally drawn to love, both the need for expressing and wanting love back.
(So a longing for something and an emptiness does not necessarily come from deeper wounds, but also from a natural drive in the human mind that is going unfulfilled.)

But since the society we have built up have lured us into so many traps we forget the simple gift of love in its pure form.
We see movie love and happy ever after love. Money love and love for things. We are chasing substitutions for love because we have not been taught have to go for the real thing, or maybe we are just to scared.
We go for an eternal chase for what we think are happiness and love and forget that it is right at the spot where we are.
Happiness is not in the end of the road it is the journey itself.

That's why its so common to some day wake up with a big questionmark and feel that a lot of ones lives have been wasted, I think... Or going around with an empty feeling inside, longing for something that one just doesn't quite know what is.
Cause we are always chasing something in the far distance when our treasures is to be found in the very moment we are right now.

It seems we humans come back to this again and again. We can fill our lives up with distractions that will keep us from feeling the emptiness a life without a centered and loving self brings.
We can have jobs, goals, lovers, money, things, activities, excitement and thrills, but when all these areas are "used up" we are back to where we started or what we fled from. The emptiness that we ran from will not go away just because we run.

Also we have all these things in our society today that contributes to making this void larger. All the propaganda and brainwash that damages us daily. Its so sad how we have built up our lives.
We are trapped in living-ways maybe 70% of us don't want and long out of.
What have we done with nature and our connection to it?
Just the simple way of being in the moment and enjoying life for what it is.
Loving, freedom , connections to others and to nature
........Just being.
We are forced into roles and lives we choose only 50% (no less than 50%) ourselves and the brainwash in being convinced that we choose it 100%. (Do you really think you choose it yourself?)
This is the cruel rule of survival today.
In our lives, when we are born, we are given an ocean of freedom.
In our society today and out of what we have created we have freedom too, more freedom than ever in history........
but yet so little - compared to what life gave us from birth.
We forget true freedom, believing we have to live like we do, and we forget the pure selfless love.

I want to put a Shakespeare sonnet here that I have posted in my blog before.
I think it is beautiful because it shows a different side of love that we are not used to think about these days. The love that is selfless and doesn't change because of outer happenings.

Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no, it is an ever-fixèd mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

To me love is somethingn selfless that wants the best and that is truly open.
I am not a Christiann, but I think in the teachings of Jesus there is a lot to be learned that we should try to remind ourselves in these times we have now. (And then don'tnt mean Christianity and what it has been made into through the years. I mean the teachings and words claimed to be of Jesus)
We se terrorism and cruelty striking upon innocents. And we see the victims of these terrorist acts reacting to this cruelty with revenge and behaving just like terrorists themselves.
We see nations that still have death-penalty, which is just an other form of revenge and murder, only in that setting the state is the assassin.

I only whish that some day we all humans will learn to love selfless and reach out for those who need it. That we will see beyond just our own horizon and understand how much this also wil benefit ourselves and how much we actually need it too.
Selfless love gives back to you 10 fold. Selfless love brings us out of the emptiness...
Just because of the simple fact that you become a part of love and in loves nature. And because love makes more love to grow in its path.
(Now I am not talking about the "love" that wants, but the love that is without desire of wanting or earning a gain)

With selfless love you make the world go one step forward and the human you touch with it, will reach out to receive this gift and give it on even further.
That is how love in its pure form works, and its just as "easy" as to open up your heart.
Both love and hate spreads with a huge speed and blossoms when we send it out.
(being in the danger of sounding like a silly beauty-queen with her final appeal in front of the judges here : )
It is our choice if we want to make this world a little better or a little worse.
If we want to take it a step forward or a step back.

I want to use an old hippi-clicheee as I am a true hippie of heart:

:)
Aasa

What is real???

Not what you wish for
Not what you want
Not how your loved ones describes it
Or how the world proclaims it
Not how your heroes speak of it
or how you dreamed of it as a child
Not how your parents told you it was
Or how your daydreams made it look like

Reality can come in many shapes
That makes your mind belive them
Cutting through it all
can be the task of a lifetime
Sometimes you want something so much
that you are unable to see the truth
To tell yourself a "truth" is easier
than to realize what really is

Its so hard to be human sometimes
Its so hard to stay true
But I must, how can I not try? To not try would be to live a lie

Use your eyes and see behind the veil
Let go and posess what is real

HUNA

An old re-post from 2007:

Before I was only flying. Now I am finding natural borders.
Borders can be beautiful

-----------------------------

I saw these basic "rules" of the Huna philosophy some years ago. I was struck by the thoughts expressed in such a simple and free way, that had been through my mind many times already.

To see how much you influence your life, sometimes even unaware of it, is really powerful. I think we often see life as something "coming to us" or something "happening to us".
How often we give all of our "power"up to the world and exist as mere reactions to others.
We forget how much we create of our lives through our own perceptions and our ways to deal with things.
Just some thoughts on a rainy day
~ Aasa

THE BASIC PRINCIPLES OF THE HUNA PHILOSOPHY:
IKE (ee-kay) - The world is what you think it is.
MAKIA (mah-kee-ah) - Energy flows where attention goes.
MANAWA (man-ah-wah) - Now is the moment of power.
MANA - All power comes from within.

HUNA PHILOSOPHY

Huna is an old shamanic tradition. It can be thought of as a non – exclusive spiritual teaching based on human psychology in Hawaii. The engine that drives Huna energy is one we all possess, our own breath. Through use of breath, the Huna philosophy says that we can clear blockages and release fear. Huna is an ancient teaching that offers a philosophy of life with simple but strong techniques of manifestation. Archaeological research traces Huna back to the earliest reaches of civilization, with the first historical presence traced through hieroglyphic images to ancient Egypt.

Stars

Look at the stars...









How small our lives seems then





Our troubles






We can just laugh, and not take it all so seriously





Life is funny...

WORDS

Words are lumpy, little things that crowd and control our lives.
Its is strange how much we let them pull us in different directions. Can words really cover what we want to express?
So often I have seen words create barriers, in an attempt to get them to bring somebody closer to each other. And how often is not a word for me, something totally different for you?
Have you ever felt trapped behind words? Or just not found the right words to express yourself, maybe because it just didn't exist or cover what you felt? Of course there are other methods than words to express those thing, but that is not my point :-)

We live in different meanings and carry different encyclopedias in our minds. My "independence" might have all different feelings stuck to it and mean something totally different than yours.
Maybe we all should be born with a manual and a dictionary for each person?

There is also some other interesting phenomenas about words. If you have friends who tell you how good friends you two are. Have you ever noticed that they often behave like less friends, that the ones that actually don't tell you this so often. Maybe sometimes words can function as band-aid for bruised friendships. At least it seems that it can be an expresison for a wish about how things could be.
I think this is very often the way words are used. As expressions for wishes, or hopes for how things should be. We affirmate, compliment, and dream.
Words can unite, make love and wars
I guess it is important to not forget that words are just sounds, and the people behind them don't always mean exactly what you make out of those sounds.

Well, I am wishing all of my readers a splufigially, smengastic day in the sun.
Lots of warm thoughts from Norway
xxx

Aasa

More Tao

A few thoughts of lately:
Sometimes, if you watch and observe your toughts and your mind, staying aware and without any identification or roles in it, it can be quite funny.
It is like watching a stubborn and persistent child saying things and wanting things that are, you find in the end, actually quite absurd. In knowing that there is a difference to your ego desires and you, to your thoughts and you - it actually is comical to listen to your own mind. Thoughts that before maybe even made you suffer and cry. I figure this is the secret into understanding Buddhas wonderful and simple smile. Don´t misunderstand - I am not putting myself next to him, I am putting us all next to him :-)
Here are two little stories that made me laugh and that illustrates this point very well:

"...After two ducks get into a fight, which never lasts long, they will separate and float off in opposite directions. Then each duck will flap its wings vigorously a few times thus releasing the surplus energy that built up during the fight. After they flap their wings they float on peacefully, as if nothing had ever happened. If the duck had a human mind it would keep the fight alive by thinking, by story making. This would probably be the ducks' story:

I don't believe what he just did! He came to within 5 inches of me. He thinks he owns this pond! He has no consideration for my private space. I'll never trust him again. Next time he'll try something else just to annoy me. I'm sure he's plotting something already but I'm not going to stand for this! I'll teach him a lesson he won't forget.

An other story with the same topic:
Two Buddhist monks, Tanzan and Ekido, were once traveling together down a muddy road.
A heavy rain was still falling.
Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection and in tears.

Tanzan, feeling compassion for her, at once picked her up and carried her to the other side over the mud.

Ekido did not speak again five hours later, when they reached their lodging temple.
Then he no longer could restrain himself.
"Why did you carry that girl across the road?" he asked Tanzan, "We monks are not supposed to do things like that"

"I put the girl down hours ago," said Tanzan. "Are you still carrying her?"

I love the philosophy of the
Tao Te Ching


"No growt without assistance
no action without reaction
no desire without restraint
give yourself up and find yourself again

Tangible things have no permanence
there is nothing we can hold onto in this world
let go and possess what is real"

"If you want to become whole,
let yourself be partial.
If you want to become straight,
let yourself be crooked.
If you want to become full,
let yourself be empty.
If you want to be reborn,
let yourself die.
If you want to be given everything,
give everything up."

"When people see some things as beautiful,
other things become ugly.
When people see some things as good,
other things become bad.

Being and non-being create each other.
Difficult and easy support each other.
Long and short define each other.
High and low depend on each other.
Before and after follow each other.

Therefore the Master
acts without doing anything
and teaches without saying anything.
Things arise and she lets them come;
things disappear and she lets them go.
She has but doesn't possess,
acts but doesn't expect.
When her work is done, she forgets it.
That is why it lasts forever."


"Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval
and you will be their prisoner."

"Giving birth and nourishing,
having without possessing,
acting with no expectations,
leading and not trying to control"

"Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations."


"Practice not-doing,
and everything will fall into place."

"Look, and it can't be seen.
Listen, and it can't be heard.
Reach, and it can't be grasped.

Above, it isn't bright.
Below, it isn't dark.
Seamless, un-nameable,
it returns to the realm of nothing.
Form that includes all forms,
image without an image,
subtle, beyond all conception.

Approach it and there is no beginning;
follow it and there is no end.
You can't know it, but you can be it,
at ease in your own life.
Just realize where you come from:
this is the essence of wisdom."


Read more from the Tao Te Ching

How is a void created?

Sometimes it is there
Sometimes it is not
What is it that really creates an empty spot?
Can somebody tell me, for Blogs sake? ;)

To all of you

Isn't life wonderful when you feel you have done a good choice
and feel one with yourself and your way?
Warm hugs to all of you out there, I wish you a wonderful day filled with
sunshine in your hearts and the knowledge that you are beautiful
Hugs
~ Aasa















Edward Hopper "Morning sun"

The Story of the Fisher King

---

It began when the king was a boy. He had, as a test of courage, to spend a night alone in the forest in order to become king. While he spends the night alone there he is struck by a holy vision. Out of his campfire the holy grail appeared, the symbol of the grace of God.

And a voice said to the boy: "You will be the keeper of the grail, and it heals the hearts of mankind."

But the boy was blinded by bigger visions of a life full of power and glory and splendor. In a state of complete exstacy for one moment he feels not like a boy but invincible, like a god. He reached out with his hands into the fire to seize the grail, but it disappeared and left him behind with his hands in the fire, and he sustained serious burnings.

And while the boy grew older his wound grew deeper. Until one day life lost its sense for him. He could not have faith in anybody, not even in himself. He could neither love nor feel love. After he got that clear in his mind he became ill. He began to die.

One day a fool entered the castle and found the king alone. And with his simple mind the fool did not recognize the king. He just saw a man who was alone and took pains.

And he asked the king: "What's wrong with you, friend?"

And the king answered: "I'm thirsty. I need some water to moisten my throat."

So the fool grasped a mug that stood next to the bed, filled it with water and passed it to the king. As the king began to drink he realized that his wound was healed. He looked in his hands; and there was the holy grail he aimed for all his lifetime.

In astonishment he asked the fool: "How could you find what my Noblest and Bravest failed to find?"

And the fool replied: "I don't know! I just knew that you were thirsty."

Satori

is a Japanese Buddhist term for enlightenment. The word literally means "to understand". It is sometimes loosely used interchangeably with Kensho, but Kensho refers to the first perception of the Buddha-nature or True-Nature, sometimes referred to as a "awakening".Kensho is not a permanent state of enlightenment, but rather a clear glimpse of the true nature of creation. Satori on the other hand refers to "deep" or lasting enlightenment. According to DT Suzuki, "Satori is the raison d'etre of Zen, without which Zen is no Zen. Therefore every contrivance, disciplinary and doctrinal, is directed towards satori."Satori can be found in every moment of life, it is wrapped in all daily activities, its goal to unwrap them to see satori.

As an analogy, we may think of a baby when it first walks. After much effort, it stands upright, finds its balance and walks a few steps (kensho), then falls. After continued effort the child will one day find that it is able to walk all the time (satori).

Once the True-Nature has been seen, it is customary to use satori when referring to the enlightenment of the Buddha and the Patriarchs, as their enlightenment was permanent.

The Zen Buddhist experience commonly recognizes enlightenment as a transitory thing in life, almost synonymous with the English term epiphany, and satori is the realization of a state of epiphanic enlightenment. Because all things are transitory according to Zen philosophy, however, the transitory nature of satori is not regarded as limiting in the way that a transitory epiphany would be in Western understandings of enlightenment.

DT Suzuki writes that "Samadhi alone is not enough, you must come out of that state, be awakened from it, and that awakening is Prajna. That movement of coming out of samadhi, and seeing it for what it is, that is satori
(Japanese satori; Chinese: wù - from the verb Satoru)

A few words to our time

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I hate....
-the ugliness of our time
-fashion and brainwashing for the masses
-popular music with texts just as creative as a radiator-manual
-the ground filled with asphalt not made for bare feet to walk on.
-TV - that makes our minds stupid - that helps us not think for ourselves. That tells us how to behave, what to wear and which opinions to have. How it has made us passive and taken away our storytelling.
-popular magazines - telling us we are not good enough and how we should look and be
-our relationship to animals, that they are bought and sold as things.
-the money rule society with effectiveness and time-saving solutions
-how we are made to passive slaves of capitalism, without even knowing it. How we all run around the treadmill to make the wheel of money go around
-the false needs our society creates, and our unability to see through it
-the cold ugly buildings made of steel and glass
-that nature is trimmed and controlled and far away from our daily lives
-how controlled we are, and how we are registered and supervised in every little shitty thing
-our lack of freedom, our self-chosen prisons and our tendency to think as a group
-the way this society has turned out

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I love....
-the beauty on those things that feels real
-things made with care, originality and personality
-creative music that either boils your blood with its rhythm or holds something meaningful
-grass between my toes
-telling stories, singing and sharing with other people
-people who dare to be themselves, even though they are not "how society tells us to be"
-it when people have respect for life and treat animals accordingly
-it when people don´t think about time, when they give and receive naturally and create something without thought of personal gain
-it when people think individualisticly and dare to question things
-feelings and needs that are spoken with an honest voice
-homes with personality, that are made with care
-nature that is allowed to grow wild and free
-it when people have genuine freedom and responsibility inside themselves. And when they care enough to fight for something they believe in
-to think about those who care for more than just themselves. And that tries, no matter how small the deed, to make a difference in a good way.

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